While perusing my Carrier News for this month I came across this little tidbit: "With the days getting shorter try wearing visible clothing and carrying a flashlight & whistle."

First of all, I wouldn't be caught dead wearing invisible clothing. Maybe they could spring for some reflective arm bands since they obviously expect their carriers to deliver in the dark.

Second, where do they expect us to put the flashlight while rolling and flattening papers enough to shove through the narrow mail slots.......in the dark.

Third and most important of all is what on earth is the whistle for? Is it for when we get lost in Suburbia (in the dark) our rescuers can find us? Could it be for scaring away any would be rapists or since a lot of the carriers are children, child molesters? If you were snug in your home and you heard someone blowing a whistle would you rush outside to see what was going on or would you think, "Damn noisy kids!" and turn up the TV? I can see it now.........as the perp jumps out of the bushes I raise my shiny symbol of an Alberni Valley News carrier and announce, "Go ahead. Make my day. I've got a whistle!"