Randy

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Username:: solitaire
Name:: Randy
Location:: Rossville, IN
Birthday:: 03/24
Status:: Single
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Life & Events > Relationships > Anna

Anna

I'm going to the library tomorrow. I not only need to borrow new books, but I want to see Anna, the librarian. Are you all ready to play "Dear Abby"?

Anna's husband died last April of lung cancer. She was devastated. Claude was a great guy--I'm sure a good husband and father. I went to the funeral.

Over the following months, I would see Anna every two weeks or so, have small talk, ask her how she's doing, etc. She's been very pleasant and seems willing to talk about life without Claude, her ups and downs.

Anna is about 5 years younger than I am, attractive, a Democrat, and, from what I can decipher, has similar interests (books, music...).

The more I see her, the more nervous I become. I'm suddenly "not myself". Plus, I try to "read" her. Does she like me? Is she flirting? Is she acting--like acting happy to see me?

I think I would like to ask her to dinner--either my place or a restaurant. I'd like to get to know her better. Is it too soon to venture forth? Do I really want to "date" her? Do I have the guts? Am I afraid of rejection and humiliation (been there, done that).

I'm not at all interested in sex. Susil wrote about that subject recently--men dating only for a hop in the sack. That's the last thing I'm thinking about. I always was "slow" and deliberate. I just think we would have a good time. Besides, I ask myself, is she lonely? Is she ready to go on with her life? The only way to find out is to be bold and simply ask her. But, I hesitate.

What are your opinions? How would you approach this?

posted on Nov 23, 2010 5:53 AM ()

Comments:

I'm late joining the "Dear Abby" group â€” my DSL modem died Nov. 22 and I'm just back online. But I say go for it. I'd start with a date for coffee and conversation, then suggest getting together for dinner then, before the last sips of coffee are finished. Best wishes!

comment by marta on Dec 2, 2010 7:10 PM ()

She is probably just as scared and nervous as you are Randy. To start, make it casual and meet where there are other people so she won't feel intimidated. I just can't picture you being hesitant and nervous. You always seem so confident and in charge. Go for it!

comment by gapeach on Nov 24, 2010 6:17 PM ()

Well, Nancy, normally I DO exude confidence. But when it comes to facing rejection, I get all rubbery. See my update in my new post. It's not as easy as it sounds, believe me!

reply by solitaire on Nov 25, 2010 5:08 AM ()

Don't forget to follow us through on this.

comment by fredo on Nov 24, 2010 9:41 AM ()

For goodness sake, ask her out to dinner. Fredo has it all down right.

comment by elderjane on Nov 24, 2010 6:26 AM ()

See, I need to hear this from a woman's point of view. Thank you. Now to only dial up some courage.

reply by solitaire on Nov 25, 2010 5:04 AM ()

Go for it.

comment by crazylife on Nov 23, 2010 8:19 PM ()

I love your simple recommendation. Just do it, eh? Yes.

reply by solitaire on Nov 24, 2010 5:32 AM ()

I say just ask her/talk with her.....and if sometime soon, she would be interested in meeting for tea, coffee, wine..... or like with my Parker, I said or ME??!!
We still laugh hysterically daily and I mean from sun up, it is his goal to see how long it takes me to laugh in the AM!!! I was the pursuer in the beginning... I think since we met way back in June 2007, when I was in my wheelchair and recently graduated, REMEMBER 3.5 years ago??

You all helped me out so much those 7 months I was stuck, literally at home. I could not walk or drive for 7 WHOLE MONTHS!!! Way back in our original blogging all began....

comment by darkstar on Nov 23, 2010 7:14 PM ()

Has it really been that long? I certainly remember the wheel chair thing. Even then, you sounded chipper. I kept asking, "Who is this gal?" I need some of your positive nature to rub off on me. Thanks for good thoughts.

reply by solitaire on Nov 24, 2010 5:17 AM ()

I like the above suggestion about going someplace, that's a good start, non threatening...just sharing an event together. I'd go with you and by the way this Ana was staff in a library. What does that matter, noting but interesting

comment by anacoana on Nov 23, 2010 4:30 PM ()

I don't want to make things complicated. Just a simple get-together. I know we have to leave Rossville, so we're not the "talk of the town". Thanks.

reply by solitaire on Nov 24, 2010 5:30 AM ()

Maybe the library needs a volunteer a couple of hours a week? Maybe, if you know her schedule, it just so happens that you're available to volunteer when she's working? Then if things don't work out, just have a change of circumstances.

comment by zillahkatt on Nov 23, 2010 2:42 PM ()

Hmmm. Never thought of that. But I'm an outdoor type. Libraries are too stifling. Thanks, anyway.

reply by solitaire on Nov 24, 2010 5:25 AM ()

Is there a museum/art gallery etc. near to you that you wouldn't mind going to? If there is, ask her if she would like to accompany you to it. It is not so 'date orientated', if you know what I mean - plus, you both will be 'moving around' - therefore there will always be a different object to discuss, thus avoiding awkward silences, should they occur. Good luck in whatever decision you make

comment by febreze on Nov 23, 2010 12:20 PM ()

Good idea. My first date with my second wife was to an art museum. It led to marriage, but 7 yrs later, we divorced. Therefore, I don't think I'll try that again. I think I prefer dinner. Don't worry, there's never a lull in the conversation when I'm around! But I'm a good listener, too. Thanks.

reply by solitaire on Nov 24, 2010 5:23 AM ()

She will loved you for it.She is lonely and want to talk with someone.
First we take her out to dinner and have a nice conversation.
Secondly maybe offer to come over for tea or coffee or drinks and talk some more.The more that you speak with the woman the more you can feel the vibes.Is she looking bored or uncomfortable then we take her back home.
Talk about interest.Hers and yours.I know that you can do it.
One step at a time.What happened is she become too serious with you?

comment by fredo on Nov 23, 2010 9:44 AM ()

For a gay guy, you sound like you know what you're talking about! I love it! And I like your suggestions. That's what I had in mind. I do detect some loneliness in her body language. We'll see. Thanks!

reply by solitaire on Nov 24, 2010 5:20 AM ()

Ask her for dinner in a restaurant--the at home bit can be the second date--IF she says no, and she won't, just tell her Martin said, "That's your loss!"
Come on Randy live up to your name--and I know we aren't talking about sex here--you sound like a nervous teenager--what's the worse that can happen--she'll say no, you'll get a little red in the face and yuo'll say, "At least I tried!"
The ottom line--for you and hr--is the fear of rejection--so what? GO FOR IT!

comment by greatmartin on Nov 23, 2010 8:06 AM ()

That's telling me! Easier said than done, but you're right. I'll do my best to be bold and positive. Thanks.

reply by solitaire on Nov 24, 2010 5:14 AM ()

Good! First, forget the term, "dating." That's for younger ones. At our ages it is a different activity. Call it "together time," or "meet and talk," or something less urgent. You seem attracted in many ways, so take your time but do it. Good luck. BTW: None of my "lines" work any more, so use your own. LOL

comment by jondude on Nov 23, 2010 6:53 AM ()

There are "lines"? Actually, I HAVE rehearsed a couple. On the "take your time" advice, I AM waiting for the right moment to strike. But when I only see her once every two weeks (if that), moments don't come that often. If I wait too long, I'll be dead. Anyway, thanks.

reply by solitaire on Nov 24, 2010 5:10 AM ()

Go for it! She is likely wondering what is taking you so long to ask. I would recommend dinner at a restaurant rather than your house for a first date. It is neutral ground for both of you. Speaking for myself, I always feel a slight sense of unease when a first date involves 'his' house. Hope this goes well for you. You definitely sound a touch smitten.

comment by dragonflyby on Nov 23, 2010 6:37 AM ()

Good alliteration: "Smith is smitten". Not really. Just surveying the situation. I'm not sure what protocol is here. Thanks for your input.

reply by solitaire on Nov 24, 2010 5:06 AM ()

Hmmm I know when I was dating the "Group Date" atmosphere took a lot of pressure off, like hey happy hour at so and so a bar with a bunch of people? I dunno how plausible that is for you, but it's an idea. Other than that, I say GO FOR IT! Ya never know, she could be your Mary Ellen...

comment by kristilyn3 on Nov 23, 2010 6:18 AM ()

Yes, it worked for Jim and Mary Ellen. Thanks for your "vote". We'll see.

reply by solitaire on Nov 24, 2010 5:03 AM ()

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