Randy

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Username:: solitaire
Name:: Randy
Location:: Rossville, IN
Birthday:: 03/24
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Life & Events > Relationships > Delayed Gratification

Delayed Gratification

First things first: Happy Thanksgiving! I'm guessing many of you are too busy to be messing around today on the computer. Not me.
My family is having our turkey tomorrow (Friday), due to conflicts with my daughter. She has a mother and mother-in-law to contend and compete with on this day. So we'll take a back seat and delay our celebration one day.
I can wait. Back when I was teaching, the cafeteria ladies would prepare a Thanksgiving meal for students and teachers one week prior to T-giving. I would bring my lunch sack with a peanut butter sandwich. I couldn't stand the idea of "ruining" the anticipation of turkey day. It was anathematic to my way of thinking. The same reasoning applies to other holidays or birthdays. One doesn't celebrate a week early.
As part of my contribution to the meal, I made persimmon pudding yesterday. Oh, the temptation to taste it! Tomorrow morning, I'll make up a corn dish. I'm undecided on which recipe to use. Kitchentale's sounds delicious, but so does one from a cookbook. We're eating at my sister's--the twin that lives in a duplex. The turkey comes from my daughter and SIL, the organic farmers. They got it in a food trade-off. Organic turkeys are VERY expensive!
We are also moving my father into his new house, tomorrow. It was just a year ago he moved into his current house, soon to be occupied solely by my other sister (she and Dad have lived--and fought--together for several months. That's why he's moving out!). He seems pretty happy about a new chapter in his aged life. Perhaps he and Barb will start talking to one another again. Hmmm.
In the mean time, back to me. If you must know, yes, I went to the library yesterday. Yes, I saw and spoke to Anna. I asked her about her Thanksgiving plans and made other small talk. I sympathized with her missing her deceased husband. I had the opportunity to ask her out to dinner some time. But, I chickened out. I just couldn't make myself to ask her. I left disgusted and mad (at myself). Go ahead, make some chicken calls--buck buck. Next time.

posted on Nov 25, 2010 5:47 AM ()

Comments:

Hope your Thanksgiving was tasty and cheerful. Glad you got to visit with Anna, too. Remember that the holidays can be very hard for those who are grieving, so try again. I'll bet she would welcome some friendly company and conversation. Coffee is calling....

comment by marta on Dec 2, 2010 7:17 PM ()

Hmm... I did not think you were quite this shy. Quite endearing, actually. That is strange- that your Dad would move out of his house and give it to your sister! Guess he does not know how to ask her to move. Makes me wonder what family dynamics are at play there.

comment by dragonflyby on Nov 27, 2010 7:38 AM ()

My father is a very complex person. He's overly fair-minded. He gave $20k to one sister for her duplex, so he thought he'd "even it up" with Barb, by allowing her live in his house rent free for however long it takes to spend $20,000. He originally bought the house for investment purposes, plus a little nostalgia, having lived there. I don't think he really cared about actually living there again (evidently not-since he's moving within a year).
But I'm sure the main reason in his moving out is my sister. She's bossy and sometimes abrasive (as is Dad). He's tired of arguing, I think. And, like many men do, the easy way out is simply to walk away. No more nagging.

As for your comment about my "shyness", well, I put on a good front. I act bolder than I really am. I overdo my bravado. I'm scared of rejection. My self-esteem is damaged which puts me in a funk. So to avoid this feeling, I hesitate to ask a woman for a date. Now you know.

reply by solitaire on Nov 29, 2010 5:21 AM ()

I missed the posts where you first mentioned Anna because of my computer problem. Are you sure she doesn't have a clue you like her? Because if she does, she just might think you don't like her enough because you don't speak up. How about "I really like talking with you. Would you like to have dinner some time?"

comment by tealstar on Nov 26, 2010 10:35 AM ()

That's good. I've got the lines, but not the fortitude. I asked for advice and certainly got it! Thanks for yours.

reply by solitaire on Nov 27, 2010 5:33 AM ()

Okay,I am going to push you.Do it my man soon.
You got some good comments there.

comment by fredo on Nov 26, 2010 9:25 AM ()

Are you, by nature, an impatient person? I appreciate the "encouragement", but "good things happen to those who wait". However, I'm aware of the adage, " He who hesitates is lost".

reply by solitaire on Nov 27, 2010 5:29 AM ()

I would never have become involved with my 2nd husband and Ted is they had
not been utterly blind to rejection and persistent as all get out. The approach my 2nd husband took was to send me a rose every day with a clever
message on it. That and flattery really did the trick. Ted's age was the
reason I didn't feel marrying him was quite fair but he just kept on
proposing until I accepted. It didn't hurt that he told me that I had
every quality he wanted in a wife. Don't wait a year. Someone else will
grab her.

comment by elderjane on Nov 26, 2010 8:08 AM ()

Thank you for the words of encouragement. Remember, however, her husband and father of her children only died last April. It's still pretty soon to a acourting. I'm just "showing interest". In my small community, I doubt if she'll have other suiters. But maybe I'm out of the loop. Que cera, cera.

reply by solitaire on Nov 27, 2010 5:25 AM ()

BAWK! BAWK! BAWK! Are they chicken calls????

That's okay--WE still love you which means we will give you all the time in the world to work up the cajones to approach her! BUT the longer you wait the more of a chance some other patron will ask her out! Get cracking!

comment by greatmartin on Nov 25, 2010 7:25 PM ()

Thank you (bawk bawk). Spell check said it wasn't correct--accepted my version! Maybe subconsciously, I'm wishing someone else will beat me to the punch with Anna?

reply by solitaire on Nov 26, 2010 5:05 AM ()

Well, whatever you do, don't tell her about the state of your bowels or your problems with God on the first 'date.'

Let her get to know you better before you work those subjects into the conversation. Not that there's anything wrong with these subjects, but there's got to more to talk about.

comment by kitchentales on Nov 25, 2010 7:04 PM ()

Oh you're so funny! And here I was going to blurt right out that I was an atheist and former wife-beater. Actually, my plan is to get her to do all the talking--about herself. But first things first--just asking her out. Did you like the way I dropped your name in my post?! You need to increase your readership.

reply by solitaire on Nov 26, 2010 5:47 AM ()

Don't fret over it Randy. When the time feels right to you, it will happen. Jon has a very good idea about leaving something behind but it has to be something that she will automatically know belongs to you and not someone else. I understand about the rejection feeling because I suffer from it also. Have faith it will work out.

comment by gapeach on Nov 25, 2010 4:12 PM ()

I told Jon I could leave my library card behind. The fear of rejection is a very strong emotion for me. I've been rejected many times--twice in marriage. It hurts and is difficult to deal with. Therefore, I'm quite hesitant to take a bold step. Thanks for understanding.

reply by solitaire on Nov 26, 2010 5:42 AM ()

I read the last two posts and while there was *tons* of great advice and you don't actually need mine....

Have you tried paying her a compliment? Like, "you look beautiful today" or something? Their reaction is a good way to tell if they're into you. And don't ask her to your house.

And I don't blame you in the least for chickening out...I know I would have. I have never asked anyone out ever and I don't envy you.

comment by juliansmom on Nov 25, 2010 4:10 PM ()

Perhaps, subconsciously, I'm waiting for her to make a move. I've done this twice before, including my second wife-to-be. They asked me out! I manipulated the maneuver, and it worked. Third time a charm? I do make an effort to speak with her every time I go to the library, and apologize for taking up her valuable time. Usually, there are two women hanging around, so one-on-one time is difficult. But I had no excuse yesterday--Anna was alone. Thanks for understanding what I'm going through. And glad you're back with us.

reply by solitaire on Nov 26, 2010 5:36 AM ()

to you dear friend!!!
Like Parker says....you do not know what you are missing until you have found, (ME) what you never knew was missing in the first place!! Practice...Practice..... do a few DEEP BREATHING and grounding yourself, in your car!!!!!! POSITIVE SELF TALK, you are an accomplished MAN Randy....It would be an honor for ANY WOMAN to have coffee, tea or a nice glass of wine...ALL DAY LONG with you!!!!

Until I met Parker I never knew what the definition of true intimacy was with a woman or a man, yes I dated women the first half of my life. We are the best of friends, team-mates, travel-mates, house mates,etc etc etc etc and then we are lovers....when wea re older oter things matter like you have stated!! Companionship....etc etc

Just continue to chat with her...and YOU will know when the time is right, I say in an earlier part of the day, for a meet and greet outside of the library!!! Especially, since you knew her husband before he died...

Enjoy your Thanksgiving....I say tsk tsk tsk to Barb the Twin, such behavior is oh so petty, with her own father at what 91 years YOUNG!!!!??

comment by darkstar on Nov 25, 2010 1:32 PM ()

Words from the wise--and experienced! I'm being patient. The right time will come. I've been twice burned in marriage, and repulsed several times trying to date someone. Therefore, I'm somewhat hesitant to step beyond my comfort zone. I gladly accept your advice. As for my sister and Dad, we'll see how that plays out. They're too much alike!

reply by solitaire on Nov 26, 2010 5:30 AM ()

Hey at least ya went to go see her. I am glad ya did that! I can't believe your Dad has to move out of his house to avoid your sister. Shouldn't it be the other way around for a multitude of reasons? Interesting. Enjoy your Thanksgiving tomorrow!!!!

comment by kristilyn3 on Nov 25, 2010 9:03 AM ()

One step at a time. I'm in no hurry. Remember, Anna has only been a widow for 7 months. I really should wait a whole year to ask her. As for my Dad and sister, I'm somewhat perplexed about the situation. Although Dad never says "I love you", he shows it in strange ways. Like buying a house for his daughter! He bought it as an investment (It's probably worth 4X what he paid for it). His children are the beneficiaries (Barb gets to live there, we three kids will divide the selling price when that time comes). Whatever happens, I have greater concerns. And I don't care about the money.

reply by solitaire on Nov 26, 2010 5:24 AM ()

persimmon pudding? You could save some for Anna and bring it in, we used to get goodies from Patrons around the Holidays and we sure LOVED IT!
Don't beat yourself up, trust...timing is everything..let it flow...

Happy day and enjoy it all.

comment by anacoana on Nov 25, 2010 7:35 AM ()

Yes! Another great idea! That is, if we don't eat it all up. Many people have an aversion to persimmons and won't even try one, let alone a pudding. So I might have some leftover to give to her. Thanks.

reply by solitaire on Nov 26, 2010 5:15 AM ()

Here's a tip: Next time you see Anna, carefully leave something behind. Then she will either call you to come back and get it, or if she doesn't, you can go back and ask about it. Ice-breaking way to get a second visit?

comment by jondude on Nov 25, 2010 6:03 AM ()

Good idea. I can "forget" my library card--leave it on the counter. Hmm.

reply by solitaire on Nov 26, 2010 5:12 AM ()

First."Happy Thanksgiving"secondly Anna.
I would not make any chicken call whatsoever.
Not sure what to say and maybe you have a mental block somewhere.
Something that needs to be solved.
What kind of vibes are you getting from her?
She must know that you are interested in her.
Take your time and a deep breath,walk up to her and just come out with it.
One step at a time.Do not feel disgusted and mad.This will work out.
Just look in the mirror and rehearse.Watch your body language and work it from there.Of course this is easy for me to say but trying to give a little help there.Dad seems happy to moved out and sister will be also happy.
Poor Dad.Good luck Randy.

comment by fredo on Nov 25, 2010 5:59 AM ()

You know, Fredo, you would make a good counselor or "Abby". You have some good insights and ideas. Believe me, I have "rehearsed" many lines. But I want to be natural and spontaneous. I just need a little push.

reply by solitaire on Nov 26, 2010 5:10 AM ()

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Delayed Gratification