Some one out there in cyberspace has a very similar e-mail address as ours and our mailbox is often the recipient of items not intended for us. Some of the mail looks important and yes, I do read it. After all, it's in MY mailbox. Sometimes we get notices that are business related and time sensitive. I used to let them know they had sent their mail to the wrong address. I even told them to let "Mike" know he had given out the wrong number but to this day we continue to receive someone else's e-mails. Speaking of this day.....

First E-mail:
In order to continue getting-by in Canada (our home land), we all need to learn the NEW English language! Practice by reading the following conversation until you are able to understand the term 'TENJOOBERRYMUDS'.

With a little patience, you'll be able to fit right in.

The following is a telephone exchange between maybe you as a hotel guest and the room-service operator somewhere in Canada ......


Room Service : 'Morrin. Roon sirbees.'

Guest : 'Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.'

Room Service: ' Rye . Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???'

Guest: 'Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs.'

Room Service: 'Ow July den?'

Guest: '....What??'

Room Service: 'Ow July den?!?.. Pryed, boyud, poochd?'

Guest: 'Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. Scrambled, please.'

Room Service: 'Ow July dee baykem? Crease?'

Guest: 'Crisp will be fine.'

Room Service: 'Hokay. An Sahn toes?'

Guest: 'What?'

Room Service: 'An toes. July Sahn toes?'

Guest: 'I... Don't think so.'

Room Service: 'No? Judo wan sahn toes???'

Guest: 'I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means.'

Room Service: 'Toes! Toes!...Why Joo don Juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?'

Guest: 'Oh, English muffin!!! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'... Fine....Yes, an English muffin will be fine.'

Room Service: 'We bodder?'

Guest: 'No, just put the bodder on the side.'

Room Service: 'Wad?!?'

Guest: 'I mean butter.... Just put the butter on the side.'

Room Service: 'Copy?'

Guest: 'Excuse me?'

Room Service: 'Copy...tea...meel?'

Guest: 'Yes. Coffee, please... And that's everything.'

Room Service: 'One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin, we bodder on sigh and copy ... Rye ??'

Guest: 'Whatever you say.'

Room Service: 'Tenjooberrymuds.'

Guest: 'You're welcome'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Remember I said 'By the time you read through this you will understand 'TENJOOBERRYMUDS' '

.....and you do, don't you! :-)

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Second E-Mail:
Universal Laws

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last and they are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over while those in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and who stay to the bitter end of the performance and beyond. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12. The Starbucks Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.


DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS

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'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'
'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'

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Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental records.

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Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez..
'How was he killed?' asked one detective.
'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.
'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?'
'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'

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A man is recovering from surgery when the surgical nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.
'I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery.' he answered..
'What did he say?' asked the nurse

'Oops!' replied the patient

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And, my favorite is: LOL

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.
The little old man looked at the preacher and calmly said, 'Well, she's there.'

There was a hilarious third e-mail but it's a video and we all know I can't do videos.