Profile
Photos
Comments
...bottled water. Gotcha, didn't I? There are widely spread rumors about stills in the hills around here. I can honestly say the only working still I've ever seen was at a craft fair and we couldn't sample the end results. However, I would think twice about sipping that clear liquid that dripped slowly from the glass rod connected to the old '58 Ford radiator. Hoo-eee...talk about 'anti-freeze'!
My brother (the follically challenged one...aka bald as a cue ball) lives in the next county. We have the same opinion about the water around here: it makes you stupid. Hand to Heaven...it affects the brain cells in ways modern science has yet to discover. I drink only bottled water. He follows in the steps of big sister and does the same. His wife drinks Diet Coke and keeps night shift busy supplying her need. His two children drink that stuff that comes in a can that gives you more caffeine and sugar than one body can handle at any given time. They play in the band and always can march in double time without ever becoming winded. They give tap water to their animals and I have observed some strange behavior. Not fittin' to tell here and now.
One trip to Wal-Mart, K-Mart or the Dollar General Store can affirm my decision. I'm not putting down folks who do shop there. If I wasn't there, how could I conduct my 'investigation'? While there, I might as well pick up an item or twenty.
Over heard at the Dollar General: "I come here 'cause you don't have to dress up like you do when you go to one of them nice stores like Target". Lord, please let that snort-laugh be stiffled so they didn't hear me! Also had to cross my legs if you know what I mean.
Wal-Mart is a potpouri of joke material. Leno or Letterman could save a lot of money on professional writers if they would just hang around there for a couple of days. I swear Jeff Foxworthy, Larry the Cable Guy and Ron White could take lessons. Bill Engval could be the ring leader: Here's your sign! I have seen each of them in a personal concert in the big city just north of me (Chattanooga). Every time I came out of the building with no make-up left on, facial muscles cramping from laughter and sides that remained sore for days. They were describing my neighbors, some relatives and occasionally myself!
K-Mart, if you still have one in your area, is a close second place for trash-talkin', gum-smackin', clothing-optional folks. Why must you wear a tube top if you stand on the scales and it says, "One at a time please"? Also, why must you have bra straps dangling down the side of your arms as your sleeveless, skimpy unbuttoned blouse flaps in the breeze? And for the love of all that is holy, keep your kid's mouth off the handle of the shopping cart (aka 'buggy'). God only knows what civilizations of germs are growing there. Take a hint from the grocery store and offer hand gel and germicide wipes at the door. Not that some people would know what to do with them.
I guess what brought on this particular rant/rave/outburst was something observed by Hubby and me on Saturday at our local Wal-Mart. It is a "super center" and offers everything you need to survive a nuclear winter. Hubby needed some toothpaste (tells you I married someone from upper class, huh?) We strolled down the "Personal Care" aisle which includes WD-40 and Duct Tape. May my eyes never focus again if this is not true: we saw a man about 20 years old stop at the deodrant section, take a container off the shelf, open the top and apply some to each under-arm. He then replaced the cap and put it back on the shelf. If I'm lyin', I'm cryin' and I ain't shed a tear.
Dumfounded and for one of the few times in my life I was speechless. Hubby never missed a beat:"Guess he has a big date tonight and hopes to get lucky." Once again a snort exploded from my nose and I stood cross-legged, hopping up and down as giggles burst forth. He is usually the more reserved one while I crack jokes. He got me this time!
I've seen people eat grapes from the produce section, nibble on a strawberry they slipped from a carton and even eat a banana as they stroll up and down the fruits and veggies picking up stuff with their nasty, unwashed hands. I can honestly say this is the first time I've wittnessed deodrant being applied in aisle 7, Personal Care Items.
I drink bottled water. I read the label. Don't go telling me it probably was bottled in the back of the store from the tap in the ladies' room. I don't want to know. All I know is it comes sealed and supposedly sterilized. I prefer Dasani...unflavored. I'm doing my part to save brain cells. I figure tea is safe because you boil the water before you let the tea bags steep for the given time, add sugar and pour over ice.
I live and love in the glorious South. We have more to be proud of than of which to be ashmed. However, please don't go down the feminine product aisle on a Saturday afternoon in Wal-Mart unless you want to faint dead away.
Mz Scarlett...hoping the cool tea bags placed over each eye will remove the image burned onto my retinias on Saturday afternoon.
