I've actually been losing my mind for quite some time, but today I had another realization of just how unorganized my mind is. Got a panicky call from A saying he contacted the power company because he hadn't received a bill and found we/I (because I was responsible that that particular bill while we were living together)had an outstanding balance of $big large amount and hadn't paid since December. In addition, I had apparently signed up for paperless billing so they had been sending emails instead of bills. So now I not only do not have an emergency stash, but also am already in the whole financially. I really thought I was going to be able to do this. Tonight I'm really doubting myself.