Gwen

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Gwen
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Many Sides Of G

Life & Events > Relationships > Grieving Sucks!
 

Grieving Sucks!

I find my thoughts wandering. One minute I'm thinking how much I miss him and the next I'm realizing that my guts were right all along. He never did really love me the way he promised to love me.

Now that he's single or whatever, he's doing all of the things I would have loved him to do when we're together. He's spending money on clothes and looking nice. He's taking weekends off from work to go on trips, he's renovating the house, he keeps the house clean, he's spending more quality time with the kids....and having 4 hour conversations with a woman who according to him "is just a friend, doesn't mean anything, just someone to talk to". You all know that he never wanted to talk to me. Yet he claims that he did his best. According to him: I'm the one who wasn't happy. I'm the one who had the online affair two years ago. I'm the one who moved out. I'm the one who bought my own place." He's got it all figured out. How to free himself from all guilt and all the burden that I must have been to him.

I picture in my head how many times I tried to talk with him about something, anything...just wanting a companion. Here is the tape recorder I hear: What do you want me to say? What do you want to talk about? I'm not thinking about anything.Sorry, what did you say? I don't know what to say. I'm not really a phone person.

And the clincher from just a day or so before I left " You don't deserve me to be the best husband, because you're not a good wife."

It just about sums it up...

He never even called yesterday afternoon to say goodbye to the kids as promised before he left on his 3 day trip. Then he called this morning and was real curt with me "I called to talk to the kids."

So although I apparently have auto pilot on which my body ran today, I walked about feeling broken and empty inside. We went to the craft store. I got my hair done for the first time in at least 6 months. I made a return to Walmart. I saw my sister. I did all the things Mommies are supposed to do.

But man do I feel completely unlovable and vulnerable.

posted on Apr 19, 2008 8:03 PM ()

Comments:

comment by shesaidwhat on May 23, 2008 5:29 AM ()
Grieving does suck... and there's just no getting around it, but I think that you're doing all you can and taking care of yourself, the hairdo, et cetera is all a good thing.
comment by artisticgypsy on May 4, 2008 4:54 PM ()
Never be scared to say that *his* best was not good enough for you.You are worth so much more than that, Gwen. And you're worth so much more than you give yourself credit for. Until you can believe that, we'll all believe it on your behalf.
comment by janetk on Apr 22, 2008 6:05 AM ()
Do you remember the expression "Dump that Chump" ? It applies here. Br grateful he's gone, comfort yourself and your children, and move on to a much better tomorrow. Life is like a box of chocolates, as Forrest Gump said, You stuck in your thumb and pulled out a worm. Wash you hands and move on with your life.
comment by thestephymore on Apr 20, 2008 12:34 PM ()
your title says it all if ya ask me.
Hang in there. You are doing just fine...
comment by kristilyn3 on Apr 20, 2008 11:43 AM ()
You are right. Grieving sucks. I hate it too but it's the healthy thing to do. My divorce was final in January, and I still have a lot of work to do.
Good for you for buying your own place. That probably shocked him into realizing you are serious.
This may sound harsh but here goes: Quit checking up on him. Quit worrying about other women.
Leave him in your past and keep moving toward your future.
comment by catdancer on Apr 20, 2008 11:30 AM ()
He makes himself feel good by blaming everything on you. My point is if he had been meeting your needs you would not have looked anywhere else for comfort. What a shallow and irresponsible jerk. I know you don't think so right now but you are better off without him. You deserve better.
comment by gapeach on Apr 20, 2008 8:28 AM ()
He's just trying to push your buttons, he just wants you to feel bad. It's Abuse pure and simple. I understand that your hurting, ending a marriage is hard..it's like a death...you have to go thru the stages of grief. Right now the pain is still so fresh...but it will get better hun...trust me.
comment by elfie33 on Apr 20, 2008 8:19 AM ()
it seems he is doing this stuff purposely to make you feel bad. can I go kick his butt? gwen I think you are a wonderful person and you have always been a great friend to me. I hope that you can have a nice relaxing sunday.
comment by elkhound on Apr 20, 2008 7:00 AM ()
it'll take time, but you will heal. don't beat yerself up, pal. If he can't see the good person you are, then he's the one with the problem. sounds like he's projecting on you to make himself look better. do like Sen. Obama and brush him off. we're all on your side

reguards
yer here for ya pal
bugg
comment by honeybugg on Apr 20, 2008 5:17 AM ()
Each day is a new day! You got your hair done - must look and feel wonderful! How about a new outfit? If your like me money is tight- but there is always "clearance"! Time makes it feel better- I won't say time heals all wounds because its been years and mine are still there- hidden but there. Don't put yourself down - it took two of you together to do this! Look in your children's eyes and then say your not lovable - you are loved and lovable
comment by mytwoloves on Apr 20, 2008 5:04 AM ()
Do not allow him to have such control over your feelings, for he is not worth it! It is an abusive relationship when one partner makes the other feel so awful. You have many wonderful qualities, but you must say goodbye to the past, then you will be open for new and wonderful relationships.Feel better and stronger soon, my friend.
comment by angiedw on Apr 20, 2008 1:19 AM ()
Try to remember it isn't you, it is the two of you together. It works for me. You are far from unlovable. I love you and we haven't met. I know, it's not the love you are looking for but anyone with your warm heart and giving spirit will find a wonderful love when the time is right. It is his loss.
comment by frogfenatic on Apr 19, 2008 10:35 PM ()
comment by mellowdee on Apr 19, 2008 9:53 PM ()
All things must pass...and this certainly will...
comment by strider333 on Apr 19, 2008 9:33 PM ()

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