Gwen

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Gwen
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Many Sides Of G

Life & Events > Relationships > When the Sun Shines
 

When the Sun Shines

Things always look better in the day light. All day long I was positive, busy, productive. I was also tired from a short six hours sleep last night. As soon as dusk sets, soon after he picks up the kids, it hits. The sadness, the lonliness, the grief, the fear and the anxiety.

I'm again reminded of the story my Mom's told me a hundred times when I was trying to give up my pacifier. I cried and I cried, but my mom was there to rub my back and play with my hair to reassure me that I would get to sleep and that I would be o.k. I doubted her and cried again that if I could have just ONE little suck of my pacifier, I just knew that I could get to sleep.

I feel like this tonight. If I could just have one more night of his warm body next to mine. If I could just feel my feet entwined with his one more time... Then I would be able to sleep.

Everything has changed so much. I stopped to his house tonight and I saw that our bedroom has been completely redone in a beautiful spring green walls and light oak hardwood floor. He promised that to me last Summer. I saw he went shopping for new dress clothes today. He is going out tomorrow night and dressing up like he did when we were in high school. He's selling his snowmobiles and his truck. He's happy. If _Shmif- but really...WHY couldn't he have done all these things before?

Just wasn't meant to be, but how sad that still seems to me.

He's going away skiing this weekend. 2nd trip since we've been separated for 2 months, 3rd trip in 3 months...I can't complain because he's been more than generous but I also guess I can't help feeling jealousy and resentment. I feel like he's living the life and I just don't know where to begin.

posted on Apr 16, 2008 8:37 PM ()

Comments:

ah, that is often the way that it goes! Once they are free they do EVERYTHING you wanted them to do while you were with them. I HATE THAT but just remember, you will find your happiness. It takes time, which sucks, but you will find it. Also, perhaps he is doing all these things because he needs to take his mind off of you, ya know? He's probably trying to stay busy...
comment by kristilyn3 on Apr 17, 2008 9:29 AM ()
I think I would feel the same feelings you are having if I were in your shoes. Just remember that if he was willing to put that stuff until after he lost you, then he wasn't thinking of you.
AJ
comment by lunarhunk on Apr 17, 2008 8:19 AM ()
Don't let the trips and clothes fool you sweetie - I have no doubts that his nights are lonely and he is missing you beside him as well....
comment by greeneyedgemini on Apr 17, 2008 7:43 AM ()
My Ex did the same thing when we split up. Started traveling, going to the gym, watching movies, re-doing the house. All things I wanted him to do when we were together but he was too busy working to bother then.
Being alone gets easier but you don't have to be. Find some friends, join a gym, or a reading club. Anything where you will meet new friends. A good friend is better than any ol husband anyday.... lol
comment by meranda on Apr 17, 2008 6:58 AM ()
I was the same way when the two of us separated. You would not believe the times I went window shopping at Walmart just to get out of the house. The loneliness was the worst part. We were apart for two years (1990-1992) before we got back together. ((HUGS))
comment by gapeach on Apr 17, 2008 3:33 AM ()

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