A friend sent me these.

It’s not whether you win or lose, but how you place the blame.

You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. (I love this one because it reminds me of an unfortunate episode from my youth.)

We have enough “youth”. How about a fountain of “smart”?

The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

A fool and his money can throw one hell of a party.

When blondes have more fun, do they know it?

Five days a week my body is a temple. The other two it’s an amusement park.

Learn from your parents’ mistakes. Use birth control.

Money isn’t everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

Don’t drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill something.

If at first you don’t succeed skydiving is not for you.

Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.

Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge to produce reproductive organs.

Alabama state motto: At least we’re not Mississippi.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

The latest survey shows that three out of for people make up about 75% of the population.

“You know why a banana is like a politician?” “He comes in and first he is green, then he turns yellow and then he’s rotten.”

I think Congressmen should wear uniforms, you know, like NASCAR drivers so we could identify their corporate sponsors.

The reason politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would hate to have to make a living under the laws they’ve passed.


xx, Teal