My dear friends, this is the most stressful time I have been through in a long time. My panic attacks are happening several times a day rather than once every so often. Please, if I do not reply to your comment it is only because this stress has reached its maximum level. I am not dealing well with it all, I never deal with stress very well. It was a really bad day for kota at school. But my new friend, his teacher, called me tonight. He is amazing. And he seems to understand what I am going through. so my moods are flip flopping, started out in a great mood and slammed back down to this. I am trying to read blogs and comment, just so you know I still care about all of you. But its getting really hard for me. I can't focus on anything. And reading about my friends going through hard times, well its causing me to cry more. I think I need to take a step back and try to regroup. Right now I am feeling like a single parent, that I am in this by myself. But thats my problem, not yours. Right now I want to collapse in my bed and just sleep sleep sleep. I so wanted to stop and get some beer tonight. But I didn't. Because drinking when I feel this way is not a good thing. Because I know in my heart I could let it go like my Dad did. Alcohol cannot fix this problem so its better to just stay away from any temporary fix. I am emotionally drained. I just want a friend who will wrap their arms around me and let me cry, pat my on the back and tell me, it will be ok mary. I am praying like I have never prayed before. I need strength to continue this fight, guidance to know what to do. I am tired and weak and I want to just curl up in a ball and sob. I want someone to take care of me for a change. oh I am having a good pity party, aren't I? Bear with me, it will get better. Please God let it get better.