Depression has kicked in full force. The CT scan didn't show anything either, which I guess is a good thing but I just want this pain to go away. It comes and goes now throughout the day. I'm just not feeling like myself anymore. Then this morning while taking my shower, I felt a little pop in my back followed by sharp pain. Back to the doctor I guess.

I really wish I could talk about what is really bothering me! I don't know if I mentioned it previously but there is a police matter we are involved in, we are the victims. It's still an open case so I can't discuss it. But several times a week I have bad nightmares regarding this situation. At first I was very hurt when this happened. Now I am just so angry about it all.

I feel so depressed anymore, the constant pain, the situation above and other things. My place of refuge has been my front porch. I sit in my hammock swing and either read a book or just swing and think.

We are supposed to hang out with friends on Sunday at the beach. I just hope I won't be too anti-social. But right now I am withdrawing from people. I feel like I can't talk about my issues. Sometimes I just need someone to listen and not compare it to something that happened in their life that was so much more devastating. That doesn't really help me at all. It's like when people say, it could be worse, you could have cancer. I think that's kind of heartless.