Teal

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Teal
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Teal's Modest Adventures

Life & Events > Relationships > I Never Plan
 

I Never Plan

I was ruminating on my life this morning and had to acknowledge that I have gone through it as if in a dream. I have never planned big steps – everything I have done that is a major life decision has been seat-of-the pants including both marriages.

I left Chicago in 1956, to live in New York and be on my own. I had been to New York to a science fiction meeting some months earlier, and while there, had gone to a Hydra meeting held in the apartment of a couple who were in with the sci fi crowd. It was in Little Italy on Sullivan Street in the south Village, a 6th floor walk-up, small but cute. In a conversation with the host, I learned he and his wife were moving to Long Island, so I asked about what would happen with the apartment – they were going to rent it out and the monthly was $17.34. Whew. I said to meself, if I can’t make it with a rent like that I should just shoot myself. So I leaned on the host to rent it to me and he agreed.

We made arrangements for me to take possession in October, then they called to say their move was delayed. This was bad news. I had already announced that I was leaving. My parents would lean on me to change my mind during the two-months’ delay. So I made the trip anyway, and wound up at The East End Hotel for Women on the upper East Side. It was a horrible place but served the purpose. I attended another Hydra and that’s where I met Jay.

We made a date to meet the following day in front of Nedick’s (now a bookstore) on 6th Avenue and 8th Street, a hub intersection of the Village. Jay was late, as he would continue to be for the entire time I knew him, but I waited. It was the day of the time change, so I attributed it to that. He took me for a ride on the Staten Island Ferry and then to his apartment where he made dinner – steak and lima beans, and red wine.

Two days later, I collected my things from the East End Hotel and moved in with him. Two months later we were married. I never moved into the Sullivan Street apartment, but that was not a problem because it was easily re-rented. We were married for 36 years.

Some months after Jay’s death, I joined a bereavement group where I met Ed. When it ended, the group continued to get together for dinner at different restaurants every month. Depending on the location, Ed would sometimes walk me home or to the subway. After a year or so of this we started to see each other more seriously but, I should add, I knew on the 2nd date that we were going to be married. He was all over the place in those days so I thought I’ll just have to wait him out. He once said that he would not marry again, that if he did, it would not be me (I wasn’t tall, I wasn’t blonde – you know, the usual crap), and no way was he ever going to live in Florida where he knew my sister lived and that she was putting pressure on me to move to be near her.
Don’t ask why he changed his mind, unless it was that every time he said something negative, I would smile and answer “fine”.

Incidentally, I wasn’t committed to living in Florida, but when we came down for a visit and stayed with sis and husband, they showed us a house nearby – next door to the one we have now, that was on the bay, stunning view and eminently affordable. We bought it and were going to enlarge it when our current house came on the market. So we sold the first house and bought this one, a coup, considering this one is larger, has a two-car garage, a pool, and a better view because it is on the curve at the end of the island. Sometimes things work out.

Ed and I had considered moving to a college town – some place like Durham – in the sun belt, away from cold winters, but somehow we never took that exploratory trip to look at areas and houses we might like. This one just fell into our laps. Ed was fond of saying that we moved here so that I “could be near my sister.” And I always replied that if Tula and Don had been in Iowa, we’d still be living in New York.

The road to the altar was filled with potholes, but 17 years later we are still married, so I do know something. I happen to think also that Ed’s Eastern European roots and my Mediterranean roots were compatible. Much more so than that Irish bimbo he was dallying with who could best have been described as "Gidget at 50."

xx, Teal

posted on July 12, 2013 10:41 AM ()

Comments:

Intuition has always worked better than logic for me. Always has. Always will. The best is when serendipity and intuition connect. Keep on keeping on, dear T.
comment by marta on July 13, 2013 11:42 AM ()
Reading about that apartment just know, I realized I've never been inside a NY City apartment. Oh, we see glimpses in movies, but I don't think that is the same as the total experience.
comment by troutbend on July 13, 2013 9:42 AM ()
Jay's apartment, before we moved to the loft, was in Chelsea -- 8th Avenue between 17th and 18th Sts. Wonderful neighborhood, a dozen mom-and-pop food stores, one modest supermarket. You spent hours getting all your stuff but it was worth it. The apartment was $50-60 a month in 1957. It was on the 5th floor, a walk-up. I was young -- what the Hell. Sometimes when I had a lot to carry, I'd buzz up an S.O.S. He'd buzz back an "R" (dit dah dit), meaning "Heard you, will be right down." There were two bedrooms, one bath, living room and eat in kitchen. The 2nd bedroom was an electronics work space with radio receivers and other equipment. Wish I had photos. Hindsight.
reply by tealstar on July 14, 2013 7:35 AM ()
Gidget at xmas like that, my life has been on a roller coaster since I first married in 1956, lost count how many home I have lived in , roots down now for sure
comment by kevinshere on July 13, 2013 6:45 AM ()
As I think about this, how could anyone plan who they are going to marry?
It depends on fate and circumstance.
comment by elderjane on July 12, 2013 5:36 PM ()
Some who plan make lists ... He or she should be "this" or "that" -- one of my musts was a liking for classical music. Not negotiable. I wasn't going to go through life with someone who couldn't relate to that which keeps me alive.
reply by tealstar on July 12, 2013 9:52 PM ()
It is truly strange how things work out. No one ever thought Ted and I would last but it has been almost twenty eight years and the age difference has never mattered a bit.
comment by elderjane on July 12, 2013 5:35 PM ()
Because of the 21 years between us, people thought Jay and I would not last. Those looking in on couples often assume their own insights are at work, thir own prejudices. Jay and I were peas in a pod for music, for humor (major in our lives), for thought process. And he was my all-time ever strongest supporter. One in a million.
reply by tealstar on July 13, 2013 6:48 AM ()
comment by jondude on July 12, 2013 3:29 PM ()
Durham,NH.lI loved reading this sorts of things.You had a great life there.I loved your writing as mentioned before.
comment by fredo on July 12, 2013 2:29 PM ()
This is a fascinating bio, Teal. I have always felt that life was a series of accidents from beginning to end. You call it "seat-of-the-pants" & "never planned." I think we're in the same ballpark.
comment by steeve on July 12, 2013 1:49 PM ()

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