It’s the season for all charities and political arms of the party of your interest to mail you requests for renewals and donations. I feel it is necessary to at least open and consider every one and this is causing me a great deal of distress because it is not possible to support every worthy effort, nor to save every cat, dog, and endangered species on the planet. I have this feeling that I and only I can make the difference.

My counter top (it’s a breakfast bar but we use it for the phone and as a holding area for “stuff”) had a huge pile of unfiled financials, bills, undealt with mail, etc. So I pulled myself together and tackled it last night. I usually sit on the floor next to the Ikea type white cabinet on wheels that sits under the counter, sort into categories, and then start filing. Normally what eases the pain is that I can turn my head and watch TV from time to time. Well, our new TV is placed on tables next to the wall where it will eventually be mounted, and I can’t see it from my work area. So I decided to sort away from the cabinet, next to the sofa, so I could watch the set. This created more of a mess since I couldn’t break stride and stick stuff in the drawer from time to time. I was crushed by the number of unopened envelopes from at least 5 Democratic venues, and more than one mailing from the ASPCA, Humane Society, Southern Poverty Law Center, and a local meals for the poor outfit. The pictures of needy animals get at me. I took myself in hand and threw some stuff out.

I did stick at least some of the charitable requests into the bills to be paid folder and will review those when I deal with bills in a couple of days. In addition to giving in to stuff that is fun to have, our bills to the medical community, as one might guess, have escalated. We have to pony up for uncovered amounts – my secondary insurance will kick in eventually but hasn’t so far. Still, Medicare has done a lot and I am grateful.

The whole effort took at least two hours and at one point Ed asked if I was going to keep at it and I said “I am not about to leave piles of paper on the floor so, yes, I am going to keep at it.” I finished at about 11:45 p.m.

I was reminded again of how overfilled the cabinet is, even though I cleaned it out at the beginning of the year. One of my projects will be to reorganize it so that the labels are more clearly marked and the tattered folders are replaced and rethink whether each and every category has to be stored in that particular cabinet.

I also reminded myself that next to the computer is a cabinet with an open storage well. It is filled with my crap and I have no idea what any of it is. That’s next but “next” is a euphemism for when I have energy, and that may never happen.

Finally, I don’t know if some of my frustration is due to lack of focus or if I am losing “brightness”. There are times when I sail through crap instead of staring at it without comprehension, but this wasn’t one of them. The "duh" factor had me in its grip.

xx, Teal