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Many Sides Of G

Life & Events > Wow!


Wow! That is the word that describes both my day and state of mind tonight. I don't know where to begin. I closed on my mobile home after work. I'm glad it was a short closing because I began to cry. Closings are usually happy times but today it was clouded by memories of past closings sitting next to my husband and by the reality of what purchasing my own home means.

Not only the end of my marriage, 21 years of loving this one man and the dream. But also the reality that I am a single Mom with a lot of bills to pay and nobody to help me pay them. I'm it. It's all me.

I remember the day I brought home Rissa from the hospital and all of a sudden I started to cry. When my husband asked me why, I answered "I just all of a sudden realized what a huge gift I've been given by God. I just hope I won't let him down. I hope I can do it." This is how I feel again tonight although this time I'm not sure I should consider it a gift as much as an answered prayer. Once again, I got exactly what I asked for. We're apart and he's being wonderful towards me and the kids. I have a cute place of my own and the kids are happy about moving. But I'm still sad.

It upset me that my Mom couldn't understand my feelings of sadness today. She, like my husband, kept saying "This is what you wanted." I don't see how my mom couldn't understand that it may be what I wanted because of the circumstances and because it's what I thought was best for the whole family, but this certainly isn't what I wanted. I didn't grow up and dream of being a divorcee in her 3o's with two kids. So want is a strong word I guess. I just need to mourn this loss and I really wish that Mom could have heard me out instead of letting me go and saying "There are some things I just can't understand."

My sister wasn't able to help me move tonight because she was helping to deliver new puppies with her boss. This is something she's been really excited and looking forward to doing and when nature says it's time for birth, there is no postponing it.

Then I called my friend Kristen and found out she was in a bad car accident yesterday on her way to work and is in the hospital. From what she says, she's lucky to be alive. I felt so bad when I heard but thankful that I called and that her injuries weren't serious. She lost 2 pints of blood and has fractured her leg in three places so she will have a rough recovery. I sure know how it is to be layed up with a baby at home so I know she's going to need some extra support. Hopefully it will be a time when I can reapay all the wonderful favors she's done for me over our 6 years of friendship.

I got pulled over by a cop today while bringing the kids for subs. He thought Kevin was too little to be out of a car seat but he's not. Then he was razzing me that my windows were tinted. He was asking all sorts of questions about where I was heading, where I lived, where I was moving from, if I had been renting..(why do they need to know all this?) this is when I said very low to him "No we own, but we're getting a divorce." In other words, do we have to drag this conversation out in front of my kids? I think it was my statement that got me out of a ticket because after this, he handed me my license and said "Have a nice day M'am."

Kev had a 2nd "ok" day (instead of a smiley) in a row and had to talk to the principal about having a positive attitude. I know he can't be perfect every day but I soooo want him to get over this school hurdle and just learn that it's something we all have to do and- the least conflict you cause during it, the better.

I got an email from a local community college today. I had applied for a Spanish professor job last summer and they're setting up interviews for April- pretty cool.

posted on Mar 26, 2008 7:33 PM ()


comment by spicybitch on Apr 3, 2008 11:36 PM ()
You were hit with a LOT in one day. It is no wonder you are feeling sadness from all of this. Take it moment by moment and give yourself time to work through these feelings.((((HUGS))))
comment by texastar on Mar 28, 2008 2:26 PM ()
Good luck on your upcoming interview!
comment by hopefields on Mar 28, 2008 2:26 AM ()
It's hard to let go...... Even if it is what you wanted
comment by greeneyedgemini on Mar 27, 2008 1:44 PM ()
I think the feelings you are natural! It is the end of an era in your life, which means that there is going to be some sadness involved no matter how much better things are going to be.
Best of luck with the adjunct postion.
comment by lunarhunk on Mar 27, 2008 1:12 PM ()
I hope you get the adjunct teaching position, that would be wonderful. Hang in there, sweetie. You're doing really really well. One day at a time, one hurdle at a time.
comment by teacherwoman on Mar 27, 2008 11:41 AM ()
I am all caught up on you now, Gwen...I'm so sorry that I've been such a terrible blogging friend lately...I feel terrible for being so self absorbed these past few weeks. but I've read every word and feel every bit the same as I did before...Stop asking, "how am I going to do this?" and start saying, "I AM doing this".And check your inbox.
comment by janetk on Mar 27, 2008 11:35 AM ()
no I don't know what you are going through. but I can still be here to offer a hug and let you know you are in my prayers. love you gwen.
comment by elkhound on Mar 27, 2008 7:13 AM ()
Sounds like that cop was flirting with you.
Everything is in Divine Timing!
Blessings of great and not so great days, may you welcome both with an attitude of a peaceful heart.
comment by anacoana on Mar 27, 2008 6:13 AM ()
Starting over is never easy and it is very difficult for others to really understand our emotions unless they have been in the same situation. Just focus on making a loving home for you and the kids. Live one day at a time because you can't do anything about tomorrow until it arrives and then it becomes today. Here's a big hug ((((HUG))))
comment by gapeach on Mar 26, 2008 8:59 PM ()

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