Well I've waited all Summer to hear about a job for the school year (less than 2 weeks away) and today I got two within an hour. The truth is that I was kind of hoping not to get the teaching position. Since I believe everything happens for a reason, I would have said to myself "Self, it's time to move on." And since I feel like I've made great strides towards personal happiness in my home life, I would have felt that the time was right to work on the next biggest stressor in my life (teaching).

But instead of looking forward to a new path, in the pursuit of job happiness, I must readjust my mindset and get ready to jump into another school year. It is oddly the same rationale of "Everything happens for a reason" which ultimately came into play when I accepted both jobs! I was offered both and I can work both at the same time. They each have their own set of advantages and rewards and I think both opportunities are valuable enough on their own. Whereas I would not have felt good about turning either one down.

So yesterday I had no jobs and today I have two!

I got the full time, permanent position at the high school. I also got a part time position teaching for the local community college. Luckily I won't start teaching at the college until January. So I'll have time to adjust to a full time schedule at the high school, teaching different courses from last year, traveling between buildings...before having to adjust to going out two nights a week to teach a whole new audience. The idea of teaching mostly adults at night kind of excites me to be honest. There is potential for such a different learning environment. But I'm also scared because I know how exhausted teaching high school makes me. I'm usually so drained by the end of the day that I have trouble just getting through the home routine. I usually feel riddled with guilt because I feel overloaded to the max with "kids" and this is just when my kids come home and need me.

But I also realize that things are not what they were and because my home life is very different, everything could be different. I know I've made personal progress this Summer and especially in the areas of assertiveness and self worth. I have work still needed in both areas but these are the two factors that I feel would have the biggest affect on making teaching school more enjoyable for me.

I need to have control of the classroom, have the respect of the students, know inside that I'm a valuable person both in and out of the classroom so that I don't let people walk all over me. I also need to try to be more sociable with the people I work with instead of assuming that people won't like me or want to talk with me. Then even when I'm invited to go places with co-workers, my social anxiety and low self-esteem cause me to not want to go. I don't feel comfortable in my skin. I don't like what I see in the mirror and I don't want this image projected in the world more than necessary.

I'm working on all these things and more though. I haven't given up. Well in the past I'd given up but I'm ready to try again. Okay I'm not quite ready, but I'm talking myself into it. I have less than two weeks to psych myself up for this.