I had a friend come to me the other day and tell me "Witchy you have taught me to hate... Thank you." I said "My child it is not that I taught you how to hate, I taught you to be honest about your feelings. If hate is one of them, then your welcome!"

I don't mean like horrible HATE Crime HATE... I mean the hate like I hate waiting in line, I hate fake questions ie. "How are you doing?" Do you really care how I am doing or is it a part of your job? Or is it because you know I have been standing in a long ass line and you already know how I am doing, because there is steam shooting out of my ears and you wanna be a jerk just so you can have a laugh while I hiss "fine.." through my clenched teeth! Does any one who is not invested in you really care? NO! If you see me bleeding then by all means ask how I am doing, but if not can we just have a moment of silence... We are strangers we should just shut up and get through the exchange. So as I was saying thats the kind of harmless hate I am talking about.

I was not trying to teach my friend anything other than the fact it is okay to feel the way you feel and PROFESS it! If you were to talk to anyone of my friends they could give you a list on the things I hate. Space and Australia are two of the list toppers always. I don't hate space like being alone on the couch but space like Yoda and shit. Hate it! Australia I hate because of spiders and asshole Kangaroos.

There is a certain freedom to be able to say "Nope I don't like it!" and an even greater freedom to say "I HATE IT!" There will be the person that says "Well hate is a strong word..." Yep I agree.

I hate Laura Ingalls from Little House on The Prairie. Stupid Half Pint. As a matter of fact all of the Ingalls are on my hate list! One the most annoying moments in the show was when Mary went blind and she said "PA I CAN"T SEE! I CAN'T SEE PA!" Ugh... Or when Caroline Ingalls would call Mr. Ingalls Charles. Hate! Even their stupid dog and their younger sister Carrie who was just a background player. I use to day dream about bringing Laura Ingalls to the future and freaking her out with technology. The funny thing is I was a kid in the 80's so I guess my calculator and toaster was going to blow her mind.

I am a non violent hater. If I hate something or someone. They do not exist to me. Like Space. It does not exist! It is all a hoax. Nothing can convince me other wise because hate some times defies all logic. I feel the same about people I hate there are no dirty looks or harassment. There is nothingness.... Unless they are a blow hard, know it all, Someone I have forced visitation with, talking until I have no choice but to hate hate hate... Oh lord the ones who love the sound of their own voice. You can always identify these jerks in meetings. They will be the ones asking nonsense questions over and over again and making off topic statements. Oh I roll my eyes sooo hard. I will then scan the room with another hater like me and we will shake our heads in hating disbelief of how aggravating it all is.

You are probably thinking well you are a stand up comic. YOU must LOVE your voice... NO! You are wrong! I hate it! I can hear my fat when I talk! It makes me cringe! Even worst is when you add video to the audio. I thought it was a good idea to put the video on zoom right on my face! That's the money shot!!! IN HD! There are somethings I NEVER WANNA SEE IN HD AGAIN! Not only do my jowls have a life of their own but they look like puppeteers swinging my chins around! Then the bags... The bags under my eyes look like they have pockets! Screw putting my cell phone in my bra... I WILL JUST CARRY IT IN MY ON FACE LUGGAGE NEXT TO MY CAR KEYS!

I don't hate a lot of people, but I do hate a lot of faces. If I hate your face it just ends there. No reason to take it any further. If you have a face I hate it means it looks like a face of someone I obviously hate, but I hate them not you. This is a perfect example of its not you, its me and your stupid face I hate, but you, you could be a great person. I will just never know, because your stupid face prevents it.

I have been called a Hater, which I embrace. I do not mind. People know where I stand. I would call it being honest. Why should people have to lie about about what they feel, unless of course we are talking about a professional setting like work. I have many tips for this, but it is a whole different topic to be covered at another time: Brown Nosing While avoiding getting poo on you...

I just think you should say what you feel. If you hate something say it. If you love something then say it. Black and white for me. I will hate something with my entire being or love something so much I stalk it, become it wear its skin (proverbially of course). That sounds scary! Now you see why I stick to the hate?