Bahiyyih

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wickedwitchofthewest
Name:
Bahiyyih
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Ellensburg, WA
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07/30
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Entertainment

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Wicked End Of The Stick

Life & Events > The Old Moth
 

The Old Moth

I am that lady. You know the lady, the one who has no fucks to spare. My days of handing them out freely have long since gone. I am the one sitting in the room who will say and as a matter of fact that does say, whatever is on the tip of her tongue. Have feelings been hurt? Of course and as they should. It is just a lesson that you have to learn. I am a giver I guess. I am giving you key to unlock what hurts and your welcome!

- [ ] I am on the cusp of Turing 45 and menopause. I am I am medically declared as perimenopausal. It is a medical diagnosis. I am should I say in the proverbial cocoon, a time of self reflection and the shedding of self doubt.

So I went to the Doctor. I have been feeling, uneasy, anxious and guilty for my lack of fucks. I wanted to know why and how and when and will I ever go back to my introspective think before I talk self and as it turns out that little lady is in transition and will never be as she once was.

So back to the appointment, first I seen the nurse. She was young and nervous. She asked all the usual quiestions but then asked me one I have not heard, she asked me what gender do I identify as. I have to say as a woman almost 45 I have never been asked that question. I think I am a woman anyhow, but I just as I told her I am changing into what?? I am not sure. Give me 6 months and a hand mirror and I will report back…

I know I have reached my middle age. I am that lady where the lines on my face have a back story and no one is really shocked that I am a grandma two times over… I am the old wise one surrounded by and at times managed by women that could be my child. Like for reals my kid!! I could be their mother and not exactly young mother, just their mother. It is strange to have that much power and to fill those shoes. When I hang out with these girls (by girls I mean young enough to be one of my girls) I don’t always feel older… It's a strange feeling being just another human being talking to other human beings and all of a sudden you are an older human being…

I have no idea where the time has gone. I feel like it was yesterday I was hold up with my crazy friend Connie trying o figure out what exactly my oldest children's father was up to. We would park a block down from his house sitting in a car. We would have all the usual stalking supplies like snacks, beverages, sleeping bag (just in case) and binoculars (for obvious reasons). I was young and stupid and probably just a smidge psychotic. I remember being the youngest chick at work. I remember being carded for real and proudly showing my badge of honor. Now the same badge is only requested by the power hungry cashiers looking to have the upper hand and that loves watching some old bitch jostle a purse full of Kleenex and receipts searching for her fucking drivers license! I feel strongly about this and I would apologize but clearly it is just an example of my lack of fucks…

I do feel like I have missed out. I feel like somethings were only the young ladies game. For example, tattoos! I have the urge but I have none…. I feel like any tattoo I get would just end up being the Chinese symbol for hot flashes. The most popular for a woman about to dive into menopause is… *****drum roll please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!***** The coveted over 40 Butterfly!!!! I do understand why of course the Butterfly is the symbol of rebirth and renewal, but clearly it is just a middle aged caterpillar…. I just don’t believe I will ever be a butterfly… They are too pretty and happy. Frolicking with the flowers and the bees. I can’t.

I think I will just be a MOTH! A salty old chubby MOTH! Just hold up in your closet chewing on your sweaters and blankets.

The moral of this story is man I am getting old. Weird. I wasn’t sure that would happen and how I would feel about it but I have to say I feel ok. I have no fucks to give and for some unknown reason no one seems to mind, unless I hurt their feeling and then they mind, but really they shouldn’t. I am just here to teach them a lesson about the dangers of taking things personally and that sometimes when a woman runs out of fucks she will say some insensitive shit. Sorry but also not sorry not yet any ways, but I am changing....

posted on Apr 2, 2019 6:08 PM ()

Comments:

Hey we are the same age and in the same boat! well, aside from the fact you are a Grandma and I have my very own 4&5 year olds to raise. Imagine that lady, imagine that.
comment by kristilyn3 on Apr 4, 2019 4:26 AM ()
Once you start feeling old you get older and older very fast. But it beats the alternative.
comment by jjoohhnn on Apr 3, 2019 12:00 PM ()
Mothra (and her baby caterpillars) was always my favorite movie monster.
A lot of questions could be answered with 6 months and a hand mirror.
comment by drmaus on Apr 3, 2019 9:45 AM ()

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