I think that it is time to write. I have been putting it off because I have been working on a safe process of not reporting the world as I see it until I can absorb it and soften my tongue.
Most often during these times I can be found sitting in the dark begging facebook friends for extra Candy Crush lives.
I think I have made it out the dark to the other side where you finally have to clean it all out. I have washed been washing dishes doing laundry and against all that I love in life I cleaned my side of the bedroom. I make a horrible housewife. Horrible.
I was listening to a conversation the other day between some of my friends. Both of them being single parents involved in custody hearings. Such strange situation. I thought of when I was a single mom and how I had all the responsibility of raising my two oldest. It was a hard lonely and expensive job. I can't imagine being served legal paper that their father wanted to take his portion of responsibility of "our" children. Wow he wants them every other weekend? What? We don't have to go to court for that! Ask nice and I will throw in pizza money, pay your gas whatever you need....
I have been practicing a little old time religion. I joined a church its called THE CASINO! If you really talk the power of prayers you can feel it as soon as the cloudy air washed over your face when you enter this altered state of reality. you have to wade through a river of whispers of please baby Jesus and Oh Holy Mary Mother of God.
My favorite is the sign of the cross or as I like to call it THE SIGN OF THE LIAR! It is often followed by a plea to the heavens to just to be able to get back the power bill money. "Please God I just need sixty seven dollars!!! Lord I will stop and pay my bills and NEVER DO IT AGAIN!"
The power the prayer is strong, usually sixty seven dollars is won, but then the lies begin. "Ok God just give me twenty more then I will walk away!! I SWEAR!" Then your down to your last dollars whispering the Lords Prayer. With tears on your sleeve making the walk of shame out of the building into your car mumbling "God grant me the serenity to change the things I can accept the things I can't and the knowledge to STOP playing!"
I finish my Sundays out with an uplifting self talk. I channel Deepak Chopra: "Bahiyyih Mudd you are only a human being and human beings make mistakes! You did not kill anyone, you are actually a pretty good person.. You help that teen age mother that was in front of you in line at Wal Greens. There she stood counting out her change with a fed up judgmental clerk just trying to by her fake nails and glue .Her baby wining in its stroller. She almost had to put the glue back because she was fifty eight cents short, but you stopped her! You stepped in and saved the day for the girl." Angel work really...
Now I have to continue my Saintly existence feeding the hungry that are glaring at me this very minute from the doorway. Happy Sunday be blessed are you are GREAT!