So after almost being beat up today by a wild beast of a woman in a parking lot today I started to think what if. What if I was like my sister Moses with tales of parking lot beat downs and drive thru grudge matches? I guess my answer is: I WOULD BE BROKEN! I am just too old...

Twenty years passed victory. I guess it is more like almost victory... I was in Karate for four years and remained a White Belt. One time I tried to joke my way out of a fight and ended up with a bloody nose.

The only way I would win a fight was with the element of surprise, some call it a sucker punch. If I have a chance to hide and jump out and strike then I just may win. If the person is asleep that makes it way easier.

I am in no shape even if I have the jump. The thought of me even physically jumping makes my ankles cringe... I have foot pain. The Dr. told me it is because I am too fat for my feet. My little piggy has a chronic spastic cramp that happen when ever I wear attractive shoes.

I've got bad hands. No grip. So there goes hair pulling. My crooked finger always hurts. I’ve got the Carpal tunnel in both wrists. I have lost feeling in one of my finger tips after almost cutting it off while trying to make a sandwich because I was in a hurry and really hungry.

My neck looks must sturdier than it really is. Despite its girth it is as fragile as a little baby bird. If I turn my head to fast I get a hot electric pain that shoots thru my head. It is usually all bound up with the tension and worries of life.

Believe it or not my back is in GREAT shape. I am saving it for when I am old. I will be the most agile lady at the Home. I told my Dr. and she wrote I am not to lift due future endeavors. Can you say popular? Scoring extra pudding with my ability to still be able to touch my toes.

As I fake called 911 the lady screamed at me "THATS RIGHT CALL THE POLICE BECAUSE THATS WHAT YOU DO!!!" I thought damn right, I am someone’s Grandma and I have future endeavors to look forward to.