Bahiyyih

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Username:
wickedwitchofthewest
Name:
Bahiyyih
Location:
Ellensburg, WA
Birthday:
07/30
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Not Interested
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Entertainment

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Wicked End Of The Stick

Entertainment > Humor > So Your Not Gay You Say?
 

So Your Not Gay You Say?

So Happy New Year! Christmas Break ended today. Can you say quiet house? Good bye kiddies see you later the lunch lady is your food slave once again.

So I ended 2011 doing a Wedding on New Years Eve. I was the minister not the comedian. It was nice to not have to worry about being funny. I was Serious and professional. I got ordained a few years ago via the Internet. I belong to the Church of believe what ever you want. I like it there it is comfortable.

It was a Cowboy wedding, not to be confused with the Hillybilly wedding... Sure both may have some Cousins kissing, but there will be NO dogs humping at the Cowboy nuptials. Keeping it Country Classy.

This is why I can make fun of the Country Folkes:
I grew up on a failing Alfalfa Farm... We had a cow on a leash... There was a big old blue school bus with the words Navajo Joe painted across the side... THE COW WAS TIED TO THE BUS!!! I bucked hay and changed irrigation pipes... If the tractor broke down my father would take our Chevy Capris Classic and hitch it to the trailer and away we would go tossing the bales on the back. I also listened to Gangster Rap... I was LL COOL Js Around The Way Girl! Around the Way take a left and drive ten miles outta town girl. The bitch on the tractor. Bamboo earrings and rubber boots on.

Speaking of Gangsters, The first couple I married was a Gangster Clown and a Native American Hair Dresser... What can I say the make up was a little much but what nice hair? They are in fact still married. Match made on a Reservation. The ceremony was right across the street from the Police station... I felt safe, the cops looked worried and the Clown was drunk!

My next will be a Lesbian wedding in September. I look forward to this. Once it is legal in the State of Washington I will be cornering the market marrying every Gay couple I can get my hands on. I happen to love the Gays. Many of my friends are and it adds spice to my life. I enjoy diversity. My mind has a double sided sign hanging on it that reads OPEN and when you flip it over it says ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK. It is just never CLOSED.

I thought my son was Gay. So I sat him down and told him "You know I will always love you no matter who you love." He was like "What?" I said "No matter what I will always love you!" He said "MOM I AM NOT GAY!" It ends up nope he is not gay. He is just fashion forward trend setter that likes to have an impeccable appearance. Is it still called Metrosexual?

One time I thought my sister was a lesbian... It was years and years ago... She had been hanging with her gay friends and was never around. One day we were walking into the grocery store and she said "There is something I need to tell you..." I said "Its ok I already know." She said "You do?" and I said "Yes, your a Lesbian." She said " WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I was gonna tell you I have been using Cocaine and I like it, ALOT." So as it turns out she just liked wearing football jerseys and short hair because she has no fashion sense or maybe cocaine made her feel sporty? The jury is still out on that one...

So I like doing Weddings as long as the ceremonies are non religious for the most part. I can not stand up there blessing people and doing Prayers! I wouldn't want God to catch me! He would be like "Miss Mudd what exactly do you think your doing? I know the voodoo that you do Asshole. You didn't know if I was real did ya? Well you will know as soon as you step outside. ZAP!



posted on Jan 3, 2012 11:43 AM ()

Comments:

You rock and I am glad you are blogging again. It keeps me amused in a
hard time.
comment by elderjane on Feb 11, 2012 1:44 PM ()
comment by hennaladykim on Jan 4, 2012 11:53 AM ()
How do you "advertise" your marriage practice? Word of mouth? I, too, enjoy the company of gays. I also like being around "men of the cloth". Weird, being I'm both straight and atheist.
comment by solitaire on Jan 4, 2012 6:04 AM ()
It is just word of mouth. The weddings I have done were for friends, usually broke friends... Life is weird.
reply by wickedwitchofthewest on Jan 4, 2012 10:48 AM ()
Good post there.Enjoyed reading this.
comment by fredo on Jan 3, 2012 2:41 PM ()
Thank you Fredo.
reply by wickedwitchofthewest on Jan 3, 2012 4:35 PM ()
Yes, he's a metrosexual. Good for him! You are too funny.
I LOVE this! "My mind has a double sided sign hanging on it that reads OPEN and when you flip it over it says ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK. It is just never CLOSED." What a perfect saying...
comment by kristilyn3 on Jan 3, 2012 11:51 AM ()
Thank you!
reply by wickedwitchofthewest on Jan 3, 2012 11:55 AM ()

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