I have low self esteem yet I have never been a slut or anorexic. Some girls have all of the luck!

Some of my best friends are retired sluts. Their tramp stamps have begun to droop or are being stretched into unrecognizable butterflies. They have the best war stories and weird scares they swear with pride. I enjoy the stories and listen with envy and just a little bit of spite!

I had low self esteem. They all say it is the secret ingredient to doing some good sluttin. I had it and it never made any magic happen for me. Why not? I thought I was the worst I should of been having a great time!

What I don't understand is how does low self esteem allow you to let anyone and everyone see you naked? Yikes! Mine made me love sweaters and long sleeves. My bathing suits were always one piece and always with a skirt. Oh yes the swim dress aka. the moo moo of the sea.

I have a natural scowl. I was born with it. Men do not see it as an open invitation to pursue a conversation much less sexual encounters unless they are looking to get a flogging from the strict head mistress. Yes I guess my face says this is gonna hurt! The only men that were willing to take their chance were the ones that are oblivious to the women they are approaching until it is too late! Then their only line was always "Smile Sunshine!" Then they would scurry off and I would be left to ask my bootie short wearing friend "Do I look mad?"

As far as anorexia? No damn it!! I am hungry and it is not fair. My body, no matter how much I hate it, refuses to starve. If it thinks it's gonna starve I end up gaining ten emergency pounds cause my belly heard words of cut backs. My body is like those extreme survivalist that have some underground hoard of supplies, just in case. Oh my God I hate those people, but I am a walking bomb shelter stalked with canned goods and beef jerk. My thighs are screaming "WE MUST SURVIVE! IT IS 2012 WE MUST PREPARE!!"

Bulimia just is not financially wise. Do you understand the cost of a good binge? And come on do you think these kids are ever going to leave me alone long enough to eat four cakes? How about trying to vomit with at least two little knuckles knocking on the bathroom door. Not happening..

Maybe I will take it up when I am old. I am going to be gorging on pudding and slutting up my cell block at the home.