I have faked several things in life. Here is a few of my favorites:
People always say "Why in the world would you fake that?
I faked diabetes because I had heard about a pill diabetics would take and they would loose massive amounts of weight. After successfully fooling a blood sugar test I got my prescription and much to my dismay it made me sick. I lost nothing and moved on with a candy bar in my pocket...
2. Being from India
Picture this: I am sitting in the Mc Donald's drive thru when all of a sudden the kid taking my order started talking like Apu from the Simpsons saying stuff like "Thank you and come again!" in that stupid voice. I pulled forward and asked for a manager and I explained that I did not think it was funny, then out of nowhere I said "WE FROM INDIA DO NOT THINK THAT IS FUNNY!" I was stunned. There I was standing up for all of those Indian Immigrants. A hero really. I ended up with about a years worth of Value Meal coupons and a hand written apology.
3. Being Deaf
Look I was at the Casino and my slot machine was starting to pay off when this woman sitting next to me would not get her face away from my game. I lit up a smoke and held it with the hand closest to her and the smoke made her back off. She started saying "Can you please move your cigarette? Miss Please move your cigarette!" I would not respond. She then touched my arm and I jerked around and looked at her totally surprised. She then said "Please the smoke is getting in my face!" I shook my head and tapped on my ears! She then touched me again and I looked at her and yelled out "NO!" in my loudest deaf accent I could muster. People stopped and turned to witness this horrible woman harassing a poor deaf lady! She cashed out and walked away in shame. I laughed and laughed silently of course.
4. Adult ADD
Look I am tired all the time. I thought I could be, perhaps I fudged just a little, but please give me some Ridilan! Did I already tell you I am tired all the time? My Dr was on board, the psychologist was totally on board but then there was the psychiatrist, he was the last to impress with my very obvious and devastating case of Adult ADD.
We went through the list of the 30 something jobs I have had. He asked how many I was fired from and I said one. He said OK. Then he asked how I got all of these very diverse jobs? I went from waitress to Director of Operations to Car Salesman. I told him it was my very fake resume. He then began writing some stuff down and stopped and looked me square in the eyes and said "Miss Mudd there is no way that you have Adult ADD!" I thought for a second I wonder if he knows about the diabetes. I have been caught!!!! RUN RUN RUN!!! He then continued "No one with Adult ADD would have the ability to have so many jobs and not been fired. No one with Adult ADD could come up with such a great false resume. I think Miss Mudd you are a Genius." WOW! I was shocked! I ran home and took the Mensa Genius test and no not so much, I should of had him put it in writing!