I was reading the comics this morning – I have my favorites – “For Better or for Worse” is one. It’s about a couple and their relationships. Lynn Johnston, who writes it, is really good. Dialogue from today’s strip: The husband runs into his friend. “Hiyah-John ol’ sport.” “Hi Ted.”

“Look, that thing between Connie and me (John’s wife’s best friend) is in the past – are you still sore at me?”
John answers: “Nope. In fact, she’s about to get seriously involved with someone else.”

Ted (looking shocked, dismayed, and outraged): “WHAT!!!!”

Now how many of us have had relationships or watched others in them, where the dumper wants to keep his or her former flame on the hook FOREVER.

I have historically always had difficulty dumping people. I had one relationship where I was not happy with the dynamic. The guy didn’t know how to be supportive or appreciative and I wanted to end things because who needs a toxic relationship? I didn’t know how to do it and one day, the guy, David, says, “Maybe we should stop seeing each other, sort of a cooling off period.” “Okay David,” I said brightly, overwhelmed with relief, and he is taken aback, says, “Well, maybe we should stay together after all,” and I respond “No, no, you are right, we should cool off.” I then surreptitiously gathered up a few things I had been leaving there and left his apartment. I never looked back. And I didn’t give a damn if he then married well and was supremely happy for the rest of his life. I don’t always need to have an edge.

At Harper & Row I worked with Cele and we would often lunch and hang out during the work day. Cele was divorced and needed a pal to hang with all the time. I was married and dancing and studying piano, and trying to rise in the company. I couldn’t extend the relationship the way teens do. One day she brought me home-made blintzes to take home to Jay. It so happened that my boss, ill with cancer and in the hospital, called to tell me I had to present her books at the national sales conference (300 salesmen and the entire New York staff) and less than a week to get ready. I was working late playing catch-up and preparing myself. I went home and forgot to take the blintzes out of the office fridge. When Cele learned this, she wouldn’t be appeased. The blintzes were ruined she said. She continued to turn the relationship screws for weeks. I apologized repeatedly, but nothing was good enough. The light bulb finally went on and I started being too busy to have lunch. She eventually got the message.

I don’t know where I am going with all this, but it doesn’t take much to get me started on the aberrant expectations of people who believe they are entitled to abuse their friends.

xx, Teal