I have three daughters (ages 37, 35, and 32), all with successful careers, and one son, age 27, unemployed.

I love him very much. He was a wonderful "kid" growing up, and is a great young man. He has a good personality, is athletic, intelligent, and fairly handsome. (There's a photo in my "album".)

Darin is a one-year college dropout. He never gave a reason for quitting. He packed up all his belongings and drove to California to live with his sister. No job, no prospects. Fortunately, his uncle (mother's bro) got him a job as a Wachovia "gofer". After 3 years, he was downsized. It's been exactly two years since that happened. He still lives in Santa Cruz (CA).

In those two years, he's lived on unemployment (nothing from Dad). As far as I know, he hasn't bothered to even attempt to look for another job. I really don't know, because he NEVER calls or writes. And if I call him, he doesn't respond to my inquiries. (He has no computer.) His mother and sisters can't get through to him either. It's like he's in his own little fantasy world.

My dilemma is how to approach the situation. He's never been motivated to work hard at anything. He's a shoulder shrugger--just doesn't seem to care. I'd like to be blunt with him and scream "GET A JOB!! Be responsible for once in your life" (luckily, he's single).

Should I continue to "ignore" him and leave him alone? Or should I give him some "fatherly advice"? Yes, he's a big boy now (although it's hard to accept that he's 27--he acts much younger), but does he need encouragement (a kick in the ass)? I've been thinking about writing him a letter (snail mail), but I'm hesitant. I don't want to alienate him--we have a good relationship, albeit nonexistant. Hence, the dilemma.

I value your advice.