Randy

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Username:: solitaire
Name:: Randy
Location:: Rossville, IN
Birthday:: 03/24
Status:: Single
Job / Career:: Human Resources

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Life & Events > Relationships > Lonesome George

Lonesome George

Remember comedian George Gobel (1919-1991), ol' "Lonesome George"? It's his nickname that triggers this post. That and my previous post on social groups.

As most of you know, I live alone--divorced (2x), kids gone.

Over the past several months, I've had occassional feelings and emotions of loneliness. They're fleeting, but real. I'm not sure what triggered them.

I like living alone. I enjoy my freedom and solitude. Yesterday, I played golf with 3 married men and listened to them belly-ache about their marriage. I thought, "Gee, I'm glad I'm single."

But. Yes, but (underlined). Last week, I found myself "signing up" for a match.com service (actually called "Fitness Singles"). I typed in all the information requested, including a "brief description" of myself (embarrassing). I kept questioning my reasons for signing up, but continued.

Eventually, I received a list of women from all over the world that shared my major interests. Good start! However, there were no women over age 48 (20 years younger than I), and the nearest female lived in Cleveland. Too young, too far.
But I "showed interest" in "Cleveland". The dating service then asked for money. Halt, stop, desist! Just to email someone 200 miles away ain't cheap! So, that was the end of that. Sorry, Cleveland.

Now, I'm back to square one. I keep waffling back and forth about "do I or not?" want to pursue meeting someone--and why? Like I said, I'm happily "solitaire". Yet, something is missing in my life. Companionship? Someone to talk to, go out to dinner with, sit on the porch swing next to?

What do I really want? I'm in a state of limbo. It's not too late to fall in love again. I'm human. I think I'd enjoy that feeling once more (but not with my ex-wife).

Ever since I embarrassed myself with Anna, the librarian, I haven't even been to her library! That was back in February. She was my only hope, then and since. I know what I should do, but I can't make myself do it.

My farmer friend, Stan, has had 3 dates from match.com. (He has encouraged me to join.) But he's had to drive 100 miles round trip to meet them. Plus, he's been disappointed. I don't want or need that.

So, in the meantime, I'll just have to be content with living my life alone, and continue being a wee bit lonesome.

posted on June 10, 2011 5:09 AM ()

Comments:

Dear Randy, letting it happen is a myth as elusive as finding the right date the first time on Match.com. Whatever it is you want, unless the opposite sex flocks to you, you have to pay attention to it and work at it, albeit in a non desperate way, but put yourself in situations where it can happen. My earlier thoughts are not responses to "the bar scene" which is a meat market. You can't compare my suggestions to that. In the several years I concentrated on exercising at the pier, I got hit on twice. One was viable, the other was not. If I was interested in meeting someone, I'd volunteer, perhaps in a political venue, or in an animal shelter. But more and more I get the feeling you are not serious. "Find me" is not the answer.

comment by tealstar on June 12, 2011 3:32 AM ()

I know, I know. But I'll stick to my "plans". Que cera, cera!

reply by solitaire on June 12, 2011 5:24 AM ()

I have known a couple of successful couplings from the Internet--our own AJ (lunarhunk) met Ray that way and they are together 10 years now1

comment by greatmartin on June 11, 2011 7:55 AM ()

Out on the shaky coast I once joined four date sites to write a newspaper article about them. I really trashed the idea in the article and it was sh*t-canned by the city editor. I learned that most of the women I contacted claimed they were something and someone whom they were not. Did I write that correctly? Hmm. It IS 1 in the morning. I had a total of 8 "dates," all of which were theater of the absurd.

comment by jondude on June 10, 2011 9:45 PM ()

Same here. During my divorced years, I've had 3 blind dates, all of which were horrendous and forgetable. I swore "never again".

reply by solitaire on June 11, 2011 4:46 AM ()

This is a subject where I could go on for pages! Don't waste your money on internet sites. All of the women (I hear from the men) are looking for financially secure men to take care of them, while in my experience, the single men my age are looking for arm candy. They are looking for "slender" and "well-proportioned" women, sort of like saying, "Over-weight heffers need not apply". Then you look at their pictures and wonder where they get off being so selective. (Maybe they don't own mirrors, or maybe they just can't accept that 60+ year-old don't look like 30 year-olds.

comment by dragonflyby on June 10, 2011 6:21 PM ()

Generalizations are easy to make, but there are exceptions to the "formulae" (that's my plural, spellcheck). You should read MY book on female requirements!! I'm sure you can imagine. In the meantime, I'll have to be satisfied with blogging to my mybloggers "girlfriends"! You're one.

reply by solitaire on June 11, 2011 5:16 AM ()

reply by jondude on June 10, 2011 9:42 PM ()

Sorry Randy. I can't give you any advise. I've been happily married for over 35 years and I'm still beating the men off with a stick.

comment by nittineedles on June 10, 2011 3:34 PM ()

You're one of the lucky ones. I wonder if your hubby feels the same way!

reply by solitaire on June 11, 2011 5:11 AM ()

Oh, the temptation to give you a hard time!

I know there is someone out there for you. Fredo has a good point - Mr. YouKnow's Aunt Wilma met some nice singles on a bike tour of Holland, but you can probably find something similar in the states. Not those eco-tourism things - the women who go on those are nutty, as you well know. Another thought, Wilma met a lot of interesting active older customers when she was working at REI, the sporting goods chain - did a lot of canoeing and snow cave building and biking, so go hang around there, like some guys hang around the produce section of the supermarket and ask attractive women to help them pick out a ripe melon.

comment by troutbend on June 10, 2011 1:19 PM ()

The problem is, I don't try very hard--in fact, not at all! I'm one of those "fatalists". I expect to meet someone "on the street", love at first site. Here's a story: When I joined my new golf course, someone said there's a young single teacher that plays, good personality. Hmm, I thought. But when I met her (and actually played golf with her), she drove me nuts with her giggles. Besides, she doubled my weight! That's the kind of match.com date I would get. Thanks, but no thanks. My philosophy is that if it happens, great. If not, fine. But it's always in the back of my mind.

reply by solitaire on June 11, 2011 5:10 AM ()

Here is another way to meet people.Take a cruise to somewhere or take a tour with some airline visiting whatever country you want to visit.
There are a lot of women,mostly widow and not that old.
You will be surprised what you meet.
Most of their husband are gone and they travel with a bunch of women.
Cruise is good,maybe ask jerri about this.
This is your best bet.Take a trip there and see.Nothing to lose
I hate the thought of being lonely.

comment by fredo on June 10, 2011 9:36 AM ()

Rather than cruises (which don't interest me), I do the "wilderness volunteer" thing. These women share my interest in the outdoors. But so far, in 20 trips, no luck!! Maybe Vermont in October! Thanks for the tip.

reply by solitaire on June 11, 2011 5:02 AM ()

Read my "Alone but not Lonely" post from yesterday--you just need some 'reinforcement' of the single life.
Without getting too much into it gay guys have many free sites where they can connect--you can pay extra for bells and whistles but they aren't needed. Not that I am suggesting anything but maybe you should--NAH!

comment by greatmartin on June 10, 2011 8:20 AM ()

"Nah" is right!!! (No offense). I'll read your post right away.

reply by solitaire on June 11, 2011 4:59 AM ()

I am sometimes lonely also. My problem is that I am too choosy, I guess. I have had men express an interest in getting to know me better, but no one I really wanted to get to know. Wish you were closer. I think we could be good friends and at least enjoy one another's company from time to time.

comment by royalblog on June 10, 2011 7:40 AM ()

Why have I been thinking you're married? I do know we're the same age! Yep, sorry you live in OK.

reply by solitaire on June 11, 2011 4:58 AM ()

I enjoyed my time on match.com... it seemed perfect because if I felt like going out I could and if I didn't I wouldn't... also I met a lot of friends through it. Keep your options open.

comment by kristilyn3 on June 10, 2011 7:07 AM ()

My option door is slightly cracked open. I'm pretty particular. Those match.com commercials make it sound like every match is a success. But they show only the one in ten (or whatever) that actually is.

reply by solitaire on June 11, 2011 4:54 AM ()

You should not give up. If Ted dies before me which is highly unlikely,
I think I would be content alone. However, it is never too late to fall
in love. My sister has the ideal arrangement. She has a boyfriend and
they go everywhere together and spend their evenings together. Then he
goes home and they walk together in the mornings.

comment by elderjane on June 10, 2011 6:01 AM ()

I'm just a romantic at heart. Eyes and heart always open.

reply by solitaire on June 11, 2011 4:51 AM ()

Are there any real-time singles events in Rossville? Dances for older people? How about fitness classes -- yoga attracts people in the older age range. Don't give up.

comment by tealstar on June 10, 2011 5:41 AM ()

A senior response to the "bar scene"? No thanks. Besides, Rossville is small (1500).

Randy

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Lonesome George