You may be in some kind of rift with one or more of your family members OR you know someone who is.

The holiday season starts in two weeks. Many people start to feel anxious about the uneasy tensions among family members. They may view the holidays as something to endure rather than enjoy. I came across this article and thought it was appropriate for folks who may desire some tips towards healing your family.



Family feuds hurt not only the parties involved, but other members of the family, who may feel that they have to take sides. However, there are steps one could take in order to work constructively together to heal a family feud.

Make the decision

Healing a family fight requires a commitment from you. This is especially true if you haven’t changed your position regarding issue, which caused the argument to start with, but simply want your family back. The other parties may also not have changed their position, and when first approached, they may give the impression that they are quite comfortable with the lack of communication, thank you very much.! You will therefore have to resist the urge to turn tail and run when faced with initial rejection.

See the other’s point of view

For as long as you believe that you are absolutely right and the other party is totally wrong, there is no possibility that the family fight can be resolved. It’s very important that you listen to the other party properly, and that you try to see the others’ point of view. It may be a viewpoint you don’t agree with, but people are entitled to their views and we should learn to respect that.

Force a connection

Family fights thrive from lack of communication. For as long as both parties nurse their grievances, and do not communicate (arguments are not communication), the situation will remain as is. In order to force communication with the person you are fighting with ( not speaking to)

a) Write them letters

Write letters to the person you’re fighting with on a regular basis. Let them know that are well, and update them on current events in your life. Share your good news with them. Send them pictures of new family members (if you’ve just had a baby) or photographs cataloging your children’s development. Don’t mention anything regarding the issue, which started the fight.

b) Keep contact with family members the other party is close to: you should maintain contact with the rest of your family members. This will provide a roundabout way for you to keep abreast of how the other party is doing. You should, however, refrain from soliciting other people’s support to your cause. Don’t place them in a position where they have to take sides. If the fight is mentioned, make it clear that it is between the two of you, and you would like to effect reconciliation.

c) Make the call

Call the family member you’re fighting with and invite them to a dinner or something. This provides the perfect opening for the two of yu to meet and do something together. This initial dinner may turn out to be the most uncomfortable one you’ve ever had the misfortune to attend, but it is a step towards healing.

d) Attend special family events

If you were in the habit of spending Christmas, Thanksgiving and other holidays with your family, but stopped because of the feud, start attending them. There are likely family members who also want to effect reconciliation and will welcome you warmly.

Let others participate in the healing process

Family fights involve more than just the two parties involved. It involved other family members, who are affected because the people they love are not in harmony. Where the feud is so bitter that one party stops communication altogether, it is particularly painful; because the other people she was not fighting with also lose out on the contact. Things may also get worse where members feel that they have to take sides, thus causing a further rift.

Should you wish to stop a family fight, and there is a family member or friend who sees to be pushing for reconciliation, it is a good idea to let them do it. The family member or friend can

a) Act as facilitator to the reconciliation

b) Sit as mediator between two fighting parties.

c) Simply encourage healing.

Have realistic expectations

The goal is to attain a level of reconciliation, not resolve old wounds. Resolution will take time and effort. You will have small wins, like spending Thanksgiving dinner peacefully without bitter arguments erupting, or spending an hour or two chatting about nothing in particular.

Accept what cannot be changed

The fight will have changed the original fabric of your relationship. Accept that, learn from it and make sure that it doesn’t happen again. If an issue, which caused the fight to start with, still exists, and you don’t see a solution in sight, maybe the best thing to do is to agree to disagree. Choose not to discuss the issue and let things be.