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She came to our unit from another part of the hospital. Thanks to our wonderful government you cannot just go to the hospital and stay until you are better. You often have to be moved from one place to another for "specialized" care. Her days were up, so she was transferred to my unit.
She had that look in her eyes. Tired of all the tests, tired of all the needles, tired of the illness that raped her body and stole the vim and vigor of life. She is 73. Probably won't see 74.
Her husband is a tall man with wavy gray hair and steel blue eyes that have seen a lot of days. He was protecting her as only someone who has been married for 53 years and was completely devoted to would do. He didn't want to see the obvious, he didn't want to hear the truth. He wanted a band-aid and a kiss to make it all better.
The doctor was truthful with him in the diagnosis and posibility of hospice care being needed. He shouted that no one was going to hurt his wife and that we had better make her well or someone would pay. He informed us of his previous military occupation and that he owned a gun and would not be afraid to use it on anyone who hurt his wife.
Some people would view this as a threat. The doctor mumbles some medical mumbo-jumbo about more test and left the room. The man looked at me and asked what my intentions were.
I assured him that the Dilauded I has just slipped into her IV would help her rest for a little while and perhaps we should talk in the activity room. As we passed the nurse's station I stopped for two cups of coffee. We went into the brightly lit activity room and sat at the table. Alone. Just he and I and our styrofoam cups of black coffee.
I asked him about his wife. What did she like to cook? Did she work outside the home? Did they enjoy a particular vacation spot? Just some small talk. Then I asked him if he truly in his heart thought he would shoot someone. It hurts to turn over in the bed sometimes. It hurts to have a needle stuck into your arm for necessary blood work. There is a big difference between intentional and un-intentional pain/discomfort. I assured him we would treat his wife with the utmost care and not cause any harm to come to her. As a tear slipped down the chisled, hardened face...he admitted he had spoken out of turn and didn't meant to scare anyone. He was just worried and scared. How could he continue life without his bride of 53 years? What would he do? How could he cope?
Sometimes I have to be professional and personal at the same time. I said the word 'cancer' out loud. I said 'death' out loud. I also said 'hope' and 'life' out loud. Sometimes the words have to be spoken, not insinuated.
He needed to call his daughter who lived 500 miles away. He had to tell her that Mother was not doing so well.
I assured him we would be there for him every step of the way. Day or night we are there. His needs as well as those of his bride were our concern. We believe in treating the whole person and that encompasses the immediate family.
I thought of the years past when they moved from place to place and laughed and lived and loved. I thought of him being the caregiver and provider for this lady who promised to stay with him through sickness and health till death parted them. I thought of his despiration at the thought of waking up without her beside him. Of his having to continue walking the road of life as his partner stepped aside and went on to her eternal resting place to wait for him to join her later.
My mind went back a few years and saw my own Daddy as he faced this very demon. I knew words to say...but a hand on his arm and cup of coffee seemed to work at this moment.
53 years later he still calls her his 'bride'. 53 years ago they had a lifetime ahead of them. Now 53 years seems as just a vapor. Here for a brief time and then whispered away.
Do I think he will come in with a gun and shoot me or the doctor or someone else? No. Not for one minute. I think he would like to shoot the cancer that is stealing his bride away. He would like to shoot the diseases that take away years and happiness for people all over the world. He just wants a little more time with his bride and to look forward to more years before the sunset.
Sometimes just a cup of coffee and a listening ear are the parts of nursing they fail to teach in school. Compassion 101.
He is not a threat. He is just frightened. He needed a cup of coffee and a few minutes of my time.
Ms Scarlett...always let me be a light in someone's darkened world. Let me repay the deeds done to me in the past. Let me pay it forward.
…Poor old bloke.
for people like you. God bless you