I put this story in my other blog (ster) but wanted to put it here also:

I met Jim in High School. He was older than me and had a reputation for a “bad boy”. He sought me out and at the time, my self esteem was low enough, I fell for his lines and advances.

We dated for months before I told my parents. When I did, they were not happy as they knew of his reputation. But I was 17 and thought I knew what I was doing.

A month before my graduation from high school Jim moved away to another state to work in a mine. He promised he would be home for my graduation and birthday that was a few days after.

He never showed saying he was too busy with work.
On my birthday, I bought a bus ticket and headed to him. When I got there, he wasn’t waiting for me so I called him to let him know I was there and he came to get me reeking of alcohol and sweat. He had partied all night. Forgot to buy me a birthday present. Or graduation present.

We lived with his aunt and uncle for a few months while we saved enough for a rental. During that time, he started getting violent with me one time almost killing me. I remember one time, being in a bar with some friends and I had gone to the bathroom with one of the girls we were with and had a drag off her cigarette. He smelled it and started dragging me out of the bar by my hair. I remember seeing so many people watching this and not one person said or did anything to stop him. That was one of the worse beatings I got from him.

I was stupid enough to marry him a few months later thinking that if he knew I was in it for good, he would stop with the jealousy but it just got worse. He even beat me up on our honeymoon. Suffocating me til I passed out.

I got pregnant that year. Once again, I was stupid and thought a baby would make him stop but he still hit me even pregnant.

I was diagnosed with toxemia in my 5th month and ordered to bed which pissed him off because I couldn’t work and pull in my share of money. I was still expected to cook him dinner and keep the house clean though. He never once did any of it.

They ended up educing labor as soon as they thought the baby would survive and she was born after 54 hours of labor. Labor that at the time I had decided to do “natural”. He had told me literally to “take it like a man! NO CRYING”. So I didn’t. Until he would leave to go home to sleep at which time my mother was there and let me cry all I wanted.

My daughter was born 4 weeks early and only weighed 4 pounds. Her tiny little head was the size of the palm of my hand. I was instantly in love and he was jealous again.

She was a very sickly baby and had colic so bad, she would only sleep for one hour at a time for months and months. I was so tired I thought I would never sleep normal again. One night I asked him to please take her for the night and let me sleep just one time and he agreed. I was woke up a few hours later to sound of her screaming from his room. I ran in there thinking he had left but there they both were laying there. I ask him why he was just letting her cry and he said she would never learn to sleep if you give he what she wants every time she cries.

That was the last time I asked for his help.

The night I finally left him, he was beating me up in the living room because I had been bitchy to him because he stayed home from work with a hangover. I had blacked out a few times to find him still on top of me hitting and yelling away. I blacked out again. When I woke up I realized the room was empty. He NEVER left my side when he was hitting me. NEVER. And for some reason, he was gone. I looked at the back door and saw my shoes sitting next to the door. “grab the shoes, walk out the door. RUN!!” I kept saying in my head. I was soooo scared. “grab the shoes, walk out the door, grab the shoes, walk out the door…” So I got up, wearing only a little nighty and headed to the door. By the time I got there, my heart was pounding so loud I thought it would give me away and I ran out the door without the shoes.

It was winter and there was snow covering the ground. I ran to a house 3 down to a lady I knew was a nurse and banged on her door. Her husband opened the door surprised to see a woman in a tiny nighty and no shoes at the door. I asked if I could use the phone to call the police and they pulled me in and gave me a blanket and the phone.

Jim showed up a few minutes after I got off the phone with the police with a pair of socks. He had following the feet prints in the snow. Thankfully the nurse and her husband would not let him in and the cops showed up and took him off to jail. They told me I had 24 hours to leave if I was going to because they would only hold him that long.

I went home and packed my things. Put everything I could including my daughter’s crib in my little hatchback and drove out of that town for good. It was the happiest I had been in a very long time. The feeling of complete freedom was so intoxicating.

I barely remember who I was back then. The who I am now would never allow a person to treat me the way he did, but back then, I thought I deserved it and believed the horrible things about myself that he said I was.

Anyway… I’ll tell you about husband #2 soon.