Ever have days where ya just feel broken?

I am experiencing them lately.

I feel as though I do not have a weekend coming up because Friday night we are going to the barn for a party (with the looters - aka J&J and the two they have living on the commune aka barn) and Saturday we are watching football (with the looters) and Sunday the pack is on at 1 and the jets are on at 4... and it's like --- when will I have time to clean? Will crap laying around from the trip still be lingering til next weekend? When will I be able to write out my Christmas cards? When will we be just chilling?

I guess I am peeved because I don't want to go to the barn. I also get pissed at myself for not wanting to go since I know it means a lot to R for me to go, but for me it's just awkward. I do not like J & J. I am going to try to put my best foot forward and hope for the best, but then I feel like I am not being honest with myself because I really do not care for them. That and it's just weird because I have distanced myself so much from that crowd that they all seem to be the bestest of friends when we get together and I am kinda left to stand on my own and try to look like I am having a good time. Seriously? It's my own fault. But that feeds into hating to go even more because it's just so dayum awkward.

I dunno.

I feel sad. I am not happy with myself or my life overall (aside from R). I want to cry a lot.

Last night R told me that I was being distant and thought I was mad at him. I assured him that I was not mad at him at all... I just don't feel right.

Who knows. This too shall pass, right?

Happy Thursday...