I guess I could be forgetting but I honestly do NOT remember ever having a week like this one has been and even though I am sooooo relieved that it is Friday, even the weekend doesn't bring a refuge to my pain. Home is not my safe place, but for this moment I do believe (angels just told me) that I will have a safe home for my kids and myself...soon...

Today I didn't get a break at school. Molly and Pauly ran away on my lunch break and almost got hit by a car. I had to stay after to help students on a Friday. I chewed all my fake nails off while helping her. I got pulled over by a cop because my tail light is yet again out. Kevin got a special interim report that clearly stated that he is "not working at grade level". I came home to a mess that I can only stare at while pulling my hair at the roots. The kids are again bickering. I have more papers to correct then I'm ever going to get to and am suddenly feeling that all the classes are out of control and behind. I'm feeling again abused, tattered and torn.

But there is ever so deep a very small crack with a ray of light I see. I talked to my bf Kori from second grade and she rushed over to sit with me while I was freaking out and weeping this afternoon. She is the best and she said just what I wanted to hear.

I reached out again to my parents and they too said exactly what I needed to hear.

This week I read a blog about how one of my friends knew the exact moment that it was time to leave and I have been praying for that moment.

So I ask and I wonder and I pray:

Is this my moment? Are the angels with me? Are they guiding me to safety now? I pray that my suffering is going to end soon and my power is restored. I can be so much more than I am right now. I want to be the best Mom I can be and right now that means a single mom.

I need my friends. I need my family. I'm not too stubborn to ask for help. I'm doing it. I'm believing I deserve it.

For just this moment (may it last forever)I pray that this is my moment, my beginning.