O.K.

I'm single, for the first and only time in my life (since I was with my husband since I was 14). Now how do I begin this process of finding myself? I don't know where to begin and it's not like I have extra money to join activities, clubs or whatever else. And I'm totally not a bar person. Maybe once a year with the girls I like to go out and be silly, but I'm not going to meet a companion or even a date this way. I know there is no hurry and I need time to do this "finding myself thing" but what if I already found myself ? And I just so happened to find myself hanging out on the computer or spending a quiet night alone or getting really crazy and hanging out with my sister! lol

If this is really me (and I have no reason to believe it's not since I have nobody controlling my actions and here I sit alone with no kids on both a Friday and a Saturday night) then perhaps I am destined to be alone.

That's kind of a sad thought. I want somebody to really love me for who I am. I want to be able to show this person every side of me and know that each side is loved as much as the others. I want to experience passion for life and my partner. I want to try new things together and really communicate with eachother without fear of anger, judgement or abandonment. I want someone who wants to take care of me. I want someone who loves my children and dogs along with me.

So most likely I'm going to have to get used to being alone before my soul mate and I meet paths. How will I pass the time and be happy? I have so many things of course in my life that will make me happy but is there really anything that can substitute for a romantic partner in your life? Chocolate only works for so long and I really need to lay off the midnight snacks I've made a habit of (when I awake: alone, outside of the house I've lived in with my husband and children for the past 11 years, nobody beside me, nobody to make plans with, nobody to hug).



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