Each day now since Monday I've sat at night blogging and positively thinking that without a doubt, tomorrow was going to be a better day. But tomorrow wasn't a better day for three todays in a row!

I'm so down and there are little reasons and not so little reasons but none of it is enough to bring me down like this. I've handled more and I'll handle this too. But still all the energy has been zapped from my body. I totally bowed out of meetings both today and yesterday after work. When things are tough at home, even the slightest problem at work can throw me in a tizzy.

Like today for example: First it's my free period and one of the older teachers in my dept. comes up to me and hands me the final exam that was in my "box" on top of my desk. She says "I just walked in and looked and saw it said Final Exam 2008 right there! You just can't do that." I just took the test and put it away, but really inside I was fuming. Let me explain.First of all the desk I have is literally half the size of all of their desks, not really a desk at all. It's got one small, rickety drawer that only fits pens. They all have big teacher desks with file drawers and a file cabinet next to it. There's just not room for any of this for me, but I don't complain. Half the time, including today, they have my desk covered with their stuff either for their classes or food if they're having some celebration or meeting. Today was one of those days when my half a desk was filled with cookies. I digress. So I literally have only just a cardboard box on top of my desk for filing and storage. This is where I placed the final exam "in plain view". Not to mention the fact that this is not a room used by students. It's a teacher office, with a lock.

Then after my last class, I'm informed by one of the department members that I owe $35 dollars for a group retirement gift they're giving. I almost choked! That is a lot and it's really money that I plain old don't have. None of them are single Moms, working only a part time teaching job, trying to support a family on their own. They just don't get it. Every day it's something new to put money in for. Yesterday they were collecting money for a certain kind of paper they want to buy that the district can't afford. Last week it was a birthday (which I never even received a thank you for). I'm just really burnt out with feeling unappreciated.

My ex and I got into a huge fight today over what else? Money of course! We've as of today divided our phone plan but this doesn't change the fact that we have a $500 bill in over-time charges. He blames me because I "signed up for the wrong plan". So since he was all in a fit because of this bill, he decided to bring back up the $800 bill that he already said he'd cover. The way I look at it is that when you look at the minutes used, he's used like 3.000 minutes this month!! (mostly on that chic I'm sure). My daughter and I together I don't think used 1,000.

I literally feel like I'm going to be sick. It's only money. That's not the part that bothers me. The bills will get paid when the bills get paid. The sad part is though, this is that part that is really bothering him. The money, it's all about the money for him. Yet he continues to plan his weekend trip for next weekend- after only getting back a few weekends ago. He's bought new clothes. He's having the house all redone inside. He HIRED people to rake his lawn! He couldn't even do his own freaking lawn! And then he puts me through all this stress over money and blaming me for debt. I just don't get him. And he just doesn't get me. I guess that's why we're here.

It still hurts.
alot

glitter-graphics.com