It's midnight and once again I'm still awake.

Tonight all at once everything seemed to come down on me and it's left me feeling breathless and empty. It's also left me feeling insecure again even though there is no rational reason too. Yes, I've still got a lot of healing to do. I must again remember that I have to walk before I run. I must be patient that everything will unfold at just the time it's supposed to.

So what came down on me?

Mostly my husband stopping over and again crying. This time he was taking back things he said before and trying his hardest to grab on to the last string he can to keep me. But it's too late and we both know that. We just don't fit. It's been way too much work to try unsuccessfully all these years to try to make it all fit. I told him straight out that there was no chance of us getting back together and then he asked if I loved "G". Perhaps I should have just said that it was none of his business but instead I told a mild version of the truth. I said I'm falling in love with him. He got angry and started to walk out. He came back though and still kept arguing his points and digging up old dirt about how I treated him when we were married. All this and I say "Well then why the heck do you want to get back together?". He says that he really does want me to be happy but that it hurts. I do know what he means, but I must keep looking out for my own health and happiness. Because just like adjusting the oxygen mask on yourself before a child in an airplane- I have to be healthy in order to take care of my kids.

I also have PMS, had a bad day at work and am a bit stressed about money.

I feel weak and lonely tonight. I feel vulnerable. I want to be held and that makes me feel needy.