I never thought I'd meet somebody that I felt such an immediate bond with. The things we have in common are incredible. We are only seeing each other one night a week because I choose not to have the kids meet him yet. When I'm with him, I'm in a naturally, high state. I'm completely content, fulfilled. My heart and stomach flutter and I could stay up all night talking with him and listening to his stories. I suppose this is what the books and movies are talking about when they portray people falling in love.

When I haven't been able to see him for a few days, I begin to lose that high feeling. It is at this time that fear steps in. I start to feel again that it's all too good to be true and I should protect myself from falling. It's not that I doubt his honesty and loyalty. I know it is something in me. A weakness that I need to find and heal.

Part of me fears that I have this other side that is moody, mean and not as pure as he believes I am. I've always been told that I have horrible mood swings. They have been better since I've been on my own but I certainly know that they're not gone. I'm still having "those days". I just don't choose to share those days in person with anyone. On these days, the phones are off and the doors are closed. Only my children see or speak to me outside of who I have to talk to at work. I almost always am able to put on the happy, teacher face no matter what kind of mood I'm in. But I don't want him to see me moody or mean. I haven't felt like being moody or mean but it's been oly a short time. Could he really accept me at my worst? Do I want to take that chance?

I so desperately want to take the chance on love, but I still have healing to do and he knows this. He said he'd wait ten years if he needed to. I don't think he'll need to wait that long.