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Its more like a battle than a simple struggle. Being in public and wondering what people are thinking of me. Being in a group and the only one not contributing to a conversation. The battle inside me to reach out to someone if only to say hello. I make sometimes small leaps sometimes giant bounds. Being shy is not fun. I know that I am making myself feel lonely when with a group. It takes me a while to make a friend, and to make that first step sometimes never happens. And I think, what if....? What if I was more outgoing? What if I could have the confidence to just start talking, putting my two cents in? What if I am missing out on wonderful friendships.
Tonight I did something that is by no means easy for me. But the opportunity presented itself. Sometimes that happens. I will war with myself to speak to someone, over days this will go on. Then something happens and I find myself in the perfect situation to say something.
There is a lady in Kota's karate class, she takes it with her 6 year old son. I had come across a picture today at home. A field trip kota had been on in kindergarten. Standing next to him is another little boy who looks so much like this lady's son. So I asked her if he was in kindergarten not this past year but the year before. Well we ended up talking for about 15 minutes and she almost missed the beginning of class. She is a lovely person and a great mom. I see where we are quite similar in our beliefs. After our little conversation, I felt like I had just climbed Mt. Everest. The sense of accomplishment was the same for me as if I really had.
Sometimes it is not fun to be me, to be this shy. To know that the thoughts I have are not realistic. that I know I can make friends never enters my mind at these times. I can't even tell you what it is I am afraid of. Why I sometimes close myself off and pretend I don't need people. Because it feels good when I reach out, when I make that connection. It feels ...... normal.
Again.
Still, I find reaching out and making new friends to be a huge challenge. For well over a year, J pestered me to invite this girl we knew out for coffee... I finally did, and it was a pretty big milestone for me. Unfortunately, she ended up moving out of town a few months later, so the friendship didn't really last... 
It's so great that you can share with us and grow. I applaud you!!