I spoke yesterday with Stephanie, daughter of my dear friend, Penny, who died a year ago. I learned more about the course of Penny’s illness – stuff I hadn’t wanted to ask during the keen days of Stephie’s grief. It seemed that some years ago she had a mammogram and there was a spot and she was told to have a follow-up in six months and she didn’t do it. What we inferred during our conversation is that possibly Penny had developed a cancer that migrated to her lung and then to her brain. During all this, Penny steadfastly refused to get check-ups until she had a stroke.

But what ultimately did her in was the brain tumor.

So avoiding doctors because you don’t like to be poked and interrogated is not the solution. People avoid getting checked out in some kind of fantasy that ignoring a problem means it will go away.

It distresses me that a proactive Penny might still be alive today if she hadn’t been so stubborn. From what Stephanie told me, there was no way she could persuade her mom that she should get routinely checked. And I don’t even know if, had I been living near them, I could have made any difference.

I invited Steph to come for Christmas – she teaches at a Montessori school and has a break then and I said she could bring a friend (to sort of make up for being with old folks).

She is thinking seriously about it. Steph and her mom were very close indeed and I am hoping being with us will make her feel welcome and loved.

xx, Teal