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"I've forgiven you."
"I know you have, but I wanted you to know how sorry I am. Â I have always loved you, admired you, and looked up to you; and I am just so sorry for the things that I put you through and that I put my kids through. Â I can't ever make up for them."
"All you can do, Jim," I said, "is to try to do your best from this day forward; and that includes quitting smoking.""
"I know," he said, "and my doctor wrote me a prescription for Chantix." Â (He used Chantix once and quit for a month; then he quit taking the Chantix and started smoking again.)
"I've really tried the last five years to live a better life," he answered. Â "Every since Larry died" (our other brother).
I've never been able not to forgive the people I love. Â What hurts me so is when people inflict pain on me and themselves and never show any remorse for it. Â
Then they try to go on with their lives as though they have done absolutely nothing wrong. Â
I certainly have committed my share of sins; but I have confessed everyone of them openly, I have tremendous remorse about them, and I have begged God and those I hurt for forgiveness. I continue to sin every day but I believe my soul is pure because I recognize when I sin, I regret it immediately and I ask for forgiveness.
On the other hand,when a person tries to keep his sin secret, he has to do a tremendous amount of rationalizing. Â In order to condone his behavior, he believes lies others tell him about me and begins to lose his conscience. Â Then it becomes easy to tell those little white lies and half truths to perpetuate the myth he has even begun to believe--that what he did wasn't all that bad. Like all people who live a life of lies, he has put his faith in the material possessions of this world, turning even away from his own blood kin to in favor of those of like mind who have let money and greed become their gods.
He thinks a new, fancy home will solve all his problems and bring him peace of mind. He sleeps very little these days. Doesn't he know that God has now sent him two strong messages that his life is going down the wrong road?
He has one chance left in this world to save his soul. Â No one can do it for him; he has to do it himself. Â I personally don't think he is strong enough to do it; but I will continue to pray for him nonetheless and hope that I am wrong. As the good book says, "The prayer of a righteous person availeth much."
I never thought Jim would quit drinking either, and he did. Â He even gave up womanizing.
