J n' I were supposed to head out to his folks this weekend for a visit, but J was sick, sick, sick... Seems that boy is always getting sick. For as long as I’ve known him, he seems to get a really bad throat infection a few times a year, and always needs antibiotics to clear it up. He used to refuse the antibiotics, but since discovering how they clear everything up much quicker, he now will often visit the clinic the moment he feels the first scratchy tingle coming on.
Anyhow, I could write an entire blog about how the doctor prescribed a different antibiotic this time – a much more expensive one – so J wouldn’t build up immunity to the one he usually gets. I could also write about how J got MUCH sicker and had to stagger back to the clinic to request his usual prescription – the one that actually works -- which means that we now have a $60+ bottle of useless pills sitting on our counter. Sure, I could write about all this… but I won’t. The point is that we had to cancel our trip out to our parents because poor J was in bed all weekend, sick as a dawg.
It’s too bad J got so sick, as I had actually been looking forward to this visit because it would have been just J n’ I and his folks. Normally whenever we go out to his folks, there are always a bunch of other people there and J n’ I usually get stuck sitting on the floor. I was also looking forward to this trip because their main TV is broken and the repair man hasn’t come yet. Sure they have smaller TVs in the bedrooms, but I’m not about TV. When I visit, I like to visit. I don’t like sitting around watching stupid sports or lame programs that I wouldn’t waste my time watching if I were at home. But that’s just me… 
So yeah, I was actually sort of bummed that we couldn’t go and have a *real* sit down n’ talk and spend quality time together visit. And I was also bummed for J that he felt so gross… Being sick isn’t fun. So instead, our weekend was spent with me pampering J with jello, and Popsicles, and lemon tea, and homemade faux-chicken noodle soup.
J is so funny… as I looked after him, he kept apologizing for being sick and ruining my weekend -- but he didn’t ruin it. There’ll be other weekends to visit his folks, and besides, we soon learned that this would’ve been the worst possible weekend to be out there after all.

Saturday night we got a call from J’s parents… his poor dad in tears. J’s grandma recently had some fluid around her lungs, and when they did an x-ray the doctor noticed a black spot 4.6 cm wide. Although it hasn’t been officially diagnosed, the doctor is quite confident that it’s cancer. The doctor called J’s aunt, and told her that he would leave it up to the family to break the news.

Now, J has two grandmas and the difference between them is quite amazing.

J’s mom’s mother, Grandma M, lives on the same property next door to his parents. Only 76 years old, she is relatively young. However, as young as she is, she is going blind because of her diabetes, and she certainly has her share of other constant ailments. Oh goodness, does she *ever* have her share of ailments! And she is not embarrassed to let you know every gory little detail. I still laugh about the last time we went out for a visit and J leaned to give his Grandma M a tender hug and kiss on the cheek, and just as he put his head on her shoulder she announced, “Boy, did I ever have diarrhea this morning!” Oh my gosh, the look on J’s face was priceless! Ha.

Because of her many health issues, she doesn’t have a great quality of life -- of course she certainly doesn’t try to have one either. Instead she feels quite jaded by life, and spends all her time sitting in the dark, in front of the TV, refusing to go anywhere. Days and weeks melt together and she completely loses track of time… unless a certain program comes on that sparks her memory that it’s Thursday and not Monday. Grandma M’s wealthy sister has often invited her to join her for a vacation in Palm Springs for a month, but she always refuses to go. She won’t even visit her sisters at their homes... she'd much rather sit alone in the dark doing nothing.  It’s kind of frustrating for J’s folks who look after her day in and day out, as her negative attitude can often be a real drag.  She still gossips and complains about things that happened ten or twenty years ago, with the same fervour as though it just happened yesterday. I tell you, I sure hope that I always stay on her good side out of sheer fear that I might some day become one the many a$$holes, b*tches, and losers she will rant about for years to come. Fortunately, (for my sake) she really loves me.

That being said, Grandma M can be an incredibly sweet woman, who would give you the shirt off her back… (just don't p*ss her off!), and I personally get a total kick out of her. Because she watches television all day long, she is totally up on all the latest celebrity gossip and hip lingo. “That Linsey Lohan, Lilo they call her now, she can be a real bee-atch if you know what I’m sayin’.” Ha! She is extremely opinionated too… for instance, she thinks Angelina Jolie worships the devil because she used to dress in all black and wore a vile of blood around her neck, and she HATES David Spade for being such a “snotty little prick” all because of that Bu-Bye sketch he did on SNL in the 90’s. (When J was a boy, she hated that disrespectful Bugs Bunny for similar reasons.) Oh gawd, how I love that woman. Despite the eye rolls she provokes from J n’ his brother, she still manages to totally crack me up.

Then there’s J’s other grandma – his dad’s mom – Grandma A. She’s more your typical grandmotherly type – petite, curly haired 89 year old woman. She’s always smiling and keeps very active. She really characterizes someone who loves every minute of life. She still lives on her own and keeps herself busy. She goes to the two dollar bingo, socializes with friends, cooks her own meals, makes her crafts, walks to the grocery store with her little buggy… she does quite alright for someone her age. I think everyone in J’s family must have a fridge full of jam and a linen closet stacked high with fringed tea towels and doilies that she has made, as she gives them out for every birthday, holiday, or family gathering. Truly, she’s just precious.

Still, over the last few months her mind has started slipping, which really worries the family because she lives on her own. A few weeks ago she called J’s parents four times in one evening to ask what day Bro and GF’s wedding will be. As a result, the family has started looking at moving her into a seniors home, which isn’t something she is keen on. She really enjoys her independence. Her biggest concern is that if she gets put into a home, she won’t have her own kitchen… and since everyone knows her as the “jam lady”, she really needs her own kitchen where she can make her jam! She’s just so sweet.

Anyhow, it’s Grandma A who has the spot on her lung.

So, this weekend I suppose it was a blessing in disguise that we weren’t out at J’s folks, as his aunts n’ uncles took grandma out there so J’s dad could break the news.  Ugh… hard stuff.

They say the most difficult part was when she arrived, smiling and hugging everyone, ready for a nice little visit with her family. They decided to not prolong the nauseating wait, and sat her down to cut to the chase. They explained her situation – the spot on her lung, and how the doctor is quite sure it is cancer. They then broke the news that the doctors won’t give someone her age chemo or radiation therapy, and with her weak heart, they will not be able to operate either. J’s folks withheld the information that the doctor predicts that she may have only 6 – 8 months to live. The likely prognosis of cancer is grim enough, but giving her a time-line is just… well, unnecessary for now, I think.

I cannot imagine the heavy feeling that choked the room when J’s folks had to share these impossible words. I know I would NEVER want the responsibility to tell my parents something like this. Seriously… who would?

And yet, Grandma A’s reaction to the overwhelming news -- a mere shrug and a smile, “Oh well… I’m old.” As everyone broke down into tears, she chuckled that they were all more stressed out than she was.

Grandma A has had her share of health scares in the past, with her heart condition and an aneurysm behind her eye, etc… When faced with these serious complications, her reaction has always been consistent -- “I’m old. I’ve had a good life. Whatever happens, it’s okay.” Her positive attitude certainly eased the minds of everyone in the room. It seems that she truly embraces the inevitability of death with the same spirit that she has always embraced life. We should all be so blessed to live to 89 and enjoy such a wonderful outlook like hers. I hate to say it, but I don’t think the spunky Grandma M would handle such shocking news with such calmness and grace.

J’s aunts n’ uncles dropped Grandma A off at home that evening, and the next day she gave J’s dad a call. She wanted to know when he’d be planting his garden this year because she’d love to come out and help. It only seems appropriate -- Grandma A has always lived her life to the fullest, forever planting memories of happiness in everyone she has touched.