Yesterday afternoon I decided to throw myself a pity party because of how much I hate my current circumstances. I felt like crying at work but held it in, felt like crying on the way home while sitting in tons of traffic, but held it in, then I got home and just sat on the couch with the boys listening to music and decided that only I can change my situation. I can't rely on others, it's all up to me. I can be miserable all I want, but only I can make myself happy. So I was in that mind frame when R came home. I was less than happy, but I was better than I had been.

He sat with me on the couch and we talked for a minute. Then he said "I have some bad news" I said what is it? He said he has to go to Dallas for work next week. He had been saying that he didn't want to go and was going to try to get out of it. For some reason, this threw me over the edge. I was like "What are you going to do about Tucker???" All mad like. Tucker has a hot spot and I don't want to be caught in a web of vets again anytime soon, also this means I have dogs duty all week. Not a big deal, right? Well last night it was. It also pissed me off because R is not going to use the ticket that my dad bought for him (we are going to Milwaukee to see my parents this weekend for mothers day) since the company wants R to get to Dallas on Sunday. This pissed me off as well. R assumed it didn't matter, it would just be an empty seat, that no reimbursement should happen. I said my dad will NOT go for throwing money out the window blah blah blah and I was just irate.

I took my laptop and went in my room with a large glass of wine and shut the door. Kraymer came with me. Love the bubba. I proceeded to cry and cry and cry. Then A~Dawg signed on to google chat so we talked. Then I cried some more. R has always said he wouldn't know what to do if I started crying, so in my mind I just shut him out so he doesn't hafta deal with it.

Why am I such a biotch? I do not know. I was so down on myself to begin with, struggling to be ok with myself and situation, then he said he's leaving which he wasn't going to do, I guess I just lost it???

By the end of the night I was able to formulate words without tears so I went out for a smoke and he followed. I told him that I had been crying and that I was pissed about the ticket situation. I told him that he had best make his company reimburse my dad for the unused ticket and that it had best not come out of his pocket. R said that he was going to talk to the people at work again to see if he could get out of going entirely. Another reason it was pissing me off is because he's LEAVING there and starting a new job, it's just not official yet. I dunno. A~Dawg said that it was obvious that R felt he had to go so to deal with it, but I was having issues.

Anyways, I woke up this morning and saw that R had bought chocolate chunk cookies last night on his way home. If I hadn't been having a pity party for myself it could have been a good night.

R is the best man. Ever. When I behave like I did last night I don't feel like I deserve him. Yet another aspect of my life that needs work. Shocking, I know.