Before I tell my story, I’d like to just say that “coming out” is a long process – a never ending one. When you’re a kid you finally come to terms with being gay, and assume (at least I did) that when I finally came out to people, that I’d only have to say it once. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. Straight people don’t have to keep reaffirming their “straightness” with others, because it’s assumed everyone is that way, but when you’re gay, people seem quite interested in wanting to know your business.

I decided to come out to those closest to me first. I’m not technically all out yet. My parents, sister, brother-in-law, an aunt, and my closest guy friends all know.

The first person I told was my best friend in 11th grade. She and I had a very close relationship – most everyone at our school thought we were dating, but we weren't. There were a few awkward moments like when she asked me why I never asked her out. Finally I got up the courage to tell her. She didn’t take the news very well at first – angry that I didn’t tell her outright. I know now that she wouldn’t have had a problem with it (she has a gay uncle) but it was still freaky for me. We spent over 3 hours that night talking! She asked me so many questions. She still is a huge support for me and I hope I'm a support system for her, too.

The second person I told was my sister. I figured she’d be a good testing ground to see how my mother might take the news. It took me a long time to finally tell her. I thought it would have been a lot easier with her for some reason, but it wasn’t. She was great about it – completely accepting! I asked her to tell her husband for me. He’s from a strict Mexican American family and wasn’t sure how he’d take having a gay brother-in-law. That night I got a call from him and he was fine with it. It would be a few months later when one of his own nephews would end up taking a bottle of his mother's pain pills. The kid was terrified of having to tell his parents he was gay. He didn’t die, but he suffered brain damage from the seizures he had in the hospital. But anyway, both my sister and brother-in-law have been great to me. That made me realize just how lucky I had it.

The third person(s) I told were my straight guy friends at school. This was the group, besides my parents, that I was the most concerned about. I had no idea how they’d react so I was definitely scared. It wasn’t that I worried about being physically beat up by them or something, but was afraid they’d end up telling everyone at the school. It wasn’t that I was embarrassed, had more to do with wanting to do it on my terms. Most of my closest guy friends were fine with it. There were only two of my friends who had issues with my being gay. I kept my distance from them - didn't want to push something on them that they weren't ready or willing to deal with. I had a few ‘we heard you’re gay?’ questions in school a few times, but mostly I’d just smile at them and reply, ‘what do you think?’ and let them make up their own minds. I just wasn’t ready to be completely out yet.

Next was my favorite aunt. Aunt Mary. She never married, never had children – we were (are) extremely close, and I knew she’d be totally cool with it. And she was.

Lastly I told my parents. Well actually, I just told my mother (not my father) to see how she’d take the news. I ended up telling my mom when we were eating a meal together, just the two of us. There was this sense of urgency on my part to tell her, but the words wouldn’t come. She’d look at me. I’d look away. It was awful. So finally I just told her. It caught her off guard. She didn't react for a long time - just sat there staring at me. In a way I was relieved that it went down this way. It was decided then that telling Dad would wait.

I never actually came out to my Dad. He knows though. My Mom and I talk quite openly at home about all sorts of gay-related stuff. So he definitely knows. He seems okay with it. I know that he might start having ‘issues’ with my homosexuality once I start to date again. He really didn’t like it the first time I went out with a guy. My first serious boyfriend didn’t get along with my Dad at all. My boyfriend didn’t understand why my parents were so controlling, but then again, I was still in high school. The guy I was dating was in college – a bit different situation. He had a ton more freedom than I did.

But now I’m a college man and hopefully he’ll remember that! I know my parents mean well but sometimes they (my Dad) can become very ‘do it my way or else’ and that isn’t cool. Yes, I know I’m still living at home and shouldn’t expect my Dad to be cool with having guys stay overnight, but that’s not what I’m asking of him. I just want to let a guy come over for grill-outs and hang with him in my room. I mean come on! 

At least now the guys I’ll be meeting will probably have places of their own and not be living at home, so that will be much better. And it'll be much easier dating now that I’m 18 - the guys I’m most attracted to won’t feel so creepy about dating me now that I’m legal. It wasn’t a big deal with my first boyfriend since I was 17, and he was 19. It wasn’t like he was in his 30’s – that’s a bit too much of an age gap. Then again, I could totally see myself with someone in graduate school. There are so many intelligent (and hot!) guys at my college who attend the graduate programs. I see them all around campus and in the campus library. Then there are the TA’s. There is one TA (teacher’s assistant) who is in my Intro to Architecture class who is a graduate student. I’m not sure if he’s gay, but we sure talk (and flirt) a lot. He seems like a really great guy.

Well that’s about it so far. I’ll be "coming out” to lots more people as I meet them. I’ve told several people in my arch studio – sort of just happened. We were discussing boyfriend/girlfriends and I got asked the question. I told them. This seems like a non-issue with a lot of college-aged kids. Even the toughest looking guys seemed fine with it. It is great to see! It doesn’t mean that I don’t worry about coming up against a homophobic person, but I just need to be choosy who I tell.

Thanks for reading this VERY, very long story. I wrote it this way for a reason. I just wanted the memories and thoughts to flow. If my thoughts are a bit disheveled that is why. And the fact I’m surviving on little sleep doesn’t help either. :)

I've been watching this one guy on youtube all week. His name is Adam Monroe and I can't get enough! He covers songs by one of my favorite bands, A Perfect Circle. The guy's handsome, plays piano and can SING. Enjoy!