For those of you who have been reading recently on Blogster, you’ll know that my sister and I had a falling out, of sorts, a few weeks ago. For those of you who haven’t been following along since Blogster, here’s a re-cap:

My sister reads my blog. I knew this and didn’t care. Until she went and asked my Mom about something I wrote about an argument that my mother and I had. I was pissed. Really, really pissed and I blogged about it afterwards. In that same post, I also gave a bit of background to the relationship between my sister and I and I admitted some feelings I’ve had about her for a while but never really expressed. If you’re really curious, hop on over to Blogster for a little time warp and check out the post.

Okay…now to fast forward to the present.

My sister phoned me on Wednesday. We haven’t really spoken since the “my sister is evil” post but I did e-mail her on Facebook to tell her to stop reading my blog and I went further and mentioned in my blog that I wanted her to stop reading.

We made some chit chat on Wednesday…her boyfriend got a new job, her schooling is going well, she did well on her Chemistry final, etc…and then she did something that she hasn’t done in, shit, a long, long time. Maybe never in my adult life.

My sister apologized.

She said that she was sorry for asking our mother about the fight she read about and she never meant for that to happen, etc. I accepted her apology with my mouth hanging open because I couldn’t believe it. My sister is the kind of gal who bumps into you and says, “Sorry…but you were in my way…”

I then asked her if she had been reading the blog lately and she said, “Yes”.

I felt my face flush a bit as I said, “So then you know that Rock and I are separating…”

“Yes,” she said.

And then I did something that I didn’t think I would do.

I confessed everything to her. Everything about Rock and I. Everything about Don and I. What we are looking at happening in the distant future. Where we stand now. And I confessed to her my feelings of unease at the prospects of settling, of becoming my mother.

I’ve said before that my sister is the only other human on the planet who understands my parents the way that I do, for obvious reasons. And she is the only one that I can talk about these things to…how fucked up my mom and dad are, how fucked up their relationship is, etc. I know that she’ll get it just as she knows that I will get it.

But this Wednesday, things were different. It was like we were reaching a new level in talking about our parents. And it prompted her to talk a bit about some issues that she’s been having in her own life and how change is all around her, now, too. For the first time in years we seemed to be on the same wavelength. And it felt so fucking good, I can’t find words to express it.

She told me that six months ago, she might not be having the same reaction to my news but that right now, she wasn’t judging and furthermore, she would help me and support me in whatever I chose to do. She will back me. And haven’t I said before that sometimes all I need is to know that someone out there is on my side?

Because I will most certainly need her support. I will most certainly need her. And you know what? I think that I will actually have her again.

I’ve always known that she and I can’t go back to what we used to have…the friendship that used to live between us (and just as I write that, I’m flooded by a memory of she and I chain smoking in her apartment, playing cards with her naked man deck after a day of shopping and lunch and how perfect that day seemed and how wonderful it was to have Judy as my sister) and that is still true. The difference now is that I realize that she didn’t leave me behind when she moved forward in a different direction…

She was waiting for me to catch up.

She’s changed, yes. But so have I. And I have stayed stagnant and even though she might not have been able to see it and call it as it was, she’s known that I was settling, long before I could even find the words to express it.

I don’t expect us to go back to what it used to be like. But I do feel as though I am slowly gaining my sister as my friend again and that feels good.

So, how did I get my sister back?

By falling in love with an American Boy.

Shit…is there anything he can’t do? Ha.