I didn’t think that I was going to blog today. To be quite frank, I’m not even sure that this will make it to posting but I’m feeling rather unsettled today…so much so that my stomach is aching and a bit queasy…and rather than watch Camp Rock for the thousandth time with Kate (it gets better and BETTER every time, let me tell you. Just how did those Jonas Brothers end up famous? They can’t sing. Two of them are pretty ugly. And they also can’t act. At all. And yet, Don tells me, his niece has three rooms wall papered with their pictures. I don’t get it. Don says I’m just getting old… he’s probably right…* shudder * ) I thought I would sit down and do what Gwen suggests and “blog it out”.

I think that I’m in need of a break, plain and simple. The last time the kids went with their Dad was New Year’s day and it was only for one night. I have been with at least one (if not two or three) kid since, with the exception of last weekend when I had an hour long reprieve from motherhood. Funny. It didn’t really stick with me. Kinda like low fat salad dressing…

I love my children. I really, really do. And we’ve had some pretty good days together, including a really great weekend. Kate was a dream during a two hour “meeting” with some folks downtown that happened after an hour of running around in preparation for said “meeting”. And Emma has been sticking to her new chart of chores like a pro and Michael has been relatively calm, considering his Diva status. I am blessed to have three children, period but I am further blessed by the fact that I have three children as remarkable as I do ( I realize I’m biased, but it’s in the job description).

But I need a break from them. Badly.

The truly strange thing about the way that I’ve been feeling is that it’s been crazy as fuck busy around here ever since Christmas holidays screeched to a halt and the new year began. In fact, it was crazy fucking busy (as I think I briefly blogged about) all through December, too. Appointment after appointment with no end in sight. Lists upon lists of new exercises and stretches and activities and places to go for Michael. And these new “meetings” and the process that they entail.

Usually busy means that the days fly by and so do the weeks, but for whatever reason, this isn’t true this time. I feel as though each day, as full and hectic as they are, drags by. Even as I mentally tick the things off of my “to-do” list, I feel like I’m waiting for something.

Maybe it’s not just a break from the kids that I need. Maybe I need to recharge.

That’s what Don calls our time together… “recharging” or regrouping. And while I’ve always agreed with him, I’m not sure that I ever fully understood the sentiment behind the statement as I do this afternoon. And now that I’m thinking of it, the recharging vibe probably also adds to the over indulgence in the food department since it’s the time that we both count on to let our hair down and just * let go *.

But I digress. As usual.

It’s only been a week and a half since Don was last in Janet Land but it feels much, much longer. This time the days are moving at a snail’s pace and two more sleeps feels like an eternity (oh gosh, I hope our Annie isn’t reading this since she has to spend * so * long without her husband and I’m sure I sound like quite the whiner). Simply put, I can’t fucking wait.

I can’t wait to get my hands on him.
I can’t wait to get my mouth on him.
I can’t wait to smell his smell.
And feel his hot nostril breath on the top of my head.
I can’t wait to fall through the bed, wrapped up in the safest arms I know.
I can’t wait to laugh at him for taking so long in the bathroom (do NOT ask because he WILL tell you and believe me…you DON’T want to know).
I can’t wait.
I can’t wait.
I can’t wait.

Gwen was right about “blogging it out” because it makes perfect sense now.

I am looking forward to seeing Don, yes. Of course. But I’m also looking forward to the time to recharge.

It’s because it’s been so busy that things are feeling slow. It’s because it’s been so hectic that the snail’s pace is starting to eat away at me (and for what it’s worth, just writing this has made some of the stomach pain go away) to the point of anxious.

In the meantime, I have a lot to get done.

There’s the primping. Always the primping.

I want to get out of this house to buy some herbs so that I can start my re-lactating regime again (the lady I spoke to in the health food store recommended a break from taking them periodically so that the body doesn’t get used to the Fenugreek and Blessed Thistle. And by the way, even if you’re not interested in producing any breast milk, Blessed Thistle is also * excellent * for digestion and Fenugreek, as I’ve mentioned before, will make you smell like maple, a really cool side effect). The herbs really only take a day or two before they take their effect so if I get out tonight, I can start and be somewhat ready by Friday.

I have to get to the mall to get a gift for Don. Remember how I told you this weekend is one year exactly since we first met in person? I can still remember everything about it from the smell of my perfume in the rented car to the feel of his red t-shirt against my face. I also remember my anger at Marg, nittineedles, when she called it an affair. It wasn’t then and it isn’t now. By the way, Marg, if you’re stopping by, I’m sorry for commenting on your new blog…I didn’t realize it was you until I read the profile. It won’t happen again and I’m sorry, ‘kay?

There I go again, getting off topic.

I have to go and get a gift because despite the fact that Don and I never had an affair and January of 2008 was NOT what January of 2009 will be, we are going to count it as the beginning and use it as the date to mark our relationship. So it’s now officially an anniversary. And with anniversaries come gifts. So I have to do that. I’m looking forward to it. I just love a trip through the Dollar Store. Ha. Just kidding. Maybe.

In between, I have another “meeting” of sorts tomorrow. And I need to clean the house. And buy some coolers (if you’re very, very good I might try to capture another drunken video of us on my new camera) and some cream for Don’s coffee…oooh…can I add that to the “I can’t wait list”? I can’t wait to have someone to drink coffee with.

I still feel anxious. And unsettled. Like nothing will hold my attention.

But at least now I know why.

And * that * deserves another rice cake, doesn’t it? Maybe I’ll pass on to AJ while I’m getting one for myself…