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My Story: Part Seis
My Story: Part Seis
    Well, time marches on in the early life of yer own Bugg. I'd become a rebellious, withdrawn, angry teenager. Sorta sums up most people's teen age years but I was especially so. Now comes the spooky, stranger than fiction, you can't make this stuff up part.  I was 16. I was in high school, Crazy Sis and Bubba, the only two other children who still lived at home, were in middle school. It was the custom that the first child to arrive home from school in the afternoon would fetch the mail from the mailbox, situated at the end of the street. That year, the chore fell to me. That afternoon, I clamored off the bus and checked our mailbox. In it, along with various other things, was a letter addressed to me personally. I hardly ever got mail so this was intriging. I noticed that there was no return adress but the postmark read "Crackerburg". For some unfathomable reason, I hid this inside my coat. Upon entering the house, I handed Mama the rest of the mail and retreated to the bathroom (the only place in the house where one could be assured of complete privacy). It was from Theresa. She had apparently been living in Crackerburg all this time. In the letter, written in a very shaky hand,  she expressed remorse that she'd abbandoned me but that she had been in no position to care for a child; that she always thought of me and wondered how I had turned out and, that she knew they had told me that she was my mother and that I had to be curious about who my father was. She told me who (and what) he was , where he lived, what he did and about his present family. Apparently she'd kept track all these years on the sly. She used the word "colored" to describe him which I thought was quite liberal of her. She said she felt I needed to know this. She was right but at the time I could have done without it or so I thought. She ended up by urging me not to share this information with anyone else, especially the family as the consequences for both of us would be disasterous. Deep down I knew she was right. That evening, when Daddy took the trash out and burned it, I waited until his back was turned and tossed the torn bits of the letter onto the fire. Its kind of hard to describe with any accuracy how I felt about all this. Not only was my mother the family slut but now I learn my father was an "n word". I had been brought up and was in fact a good ol' Southern girl with good ol' Southern values. As such I, and just about everyone I knew, held people of color in somewhat questionable esteem. This revelation, as you can imagine, was just about the worst possible news I could have received. I was knocked for a loop. I went through all sorts of turmoil. I would look in the mirror daily for any tell tale sign of a thickening of a lip or a broading of a nose or a darkening of a skin that would give my true parentage away. I desparatly wanted to talk to someone, anyone but I dared not. I thought about talking to Grandma Mona but I was afraid to. She was the only one who actually loved me and I did't want to risk loosing her affection. To this day, no one in the family knows who or what my biological father is. I kept mine and Theresa's secret....from the family anyhow. Now comes the even stranger part. About a week after I get the letter, the phone rings. Daddy answers. After a brief conversation which causes his face to go sad, he turned to me, puts his hand on my sholder(one of the only times he ever showed any affection toward me) and said, "Your mother is dead".  Well.........
 Meanwhile:
    I can only imagine what is going on in the land where orange and palm trees sway. Nathaniel and his little family are from all accounts doing well. Jake has his sickle cell "crisises" but otherwise is doing ok. They are blissfully unaware of very my existence and the deep angst that I am going through.
Next episode:Â Bugg In La La Land
reguards
yer I told you it was strange pal
bugg
   Â
posted on Apr 16, 2008 6:06 AM ()
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WOW! To be raised in the south then to hear that news... yeah I can imagine it would throw you for a loop... 
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