This has been quite a day. It went from the happiest morning of my life so far to a totally "Debbie Downer" sort of day.

The things I want to blog about, but can't (yet)
1. judgemental people
2. ignorant people that can't see past appearances.
3. honesty (even if you know it will hurt the person you need to tell)
4. people who say they want me to be happy yet seem to bring me down whenever I reach that point.
5. people who can't accept me for me.
6. family members turning their backs on other family members just because of a few poorly choiced words spoken.
7. loved ones who spit venom and bring up every negative experience they've ever had with you every time a disagreement comes up.
8. wanting to listen to my own heart
9. wanting to end my unhealthy desire to please everyone
10. vices
11. how impossible it is to have a conversation with a person that is judgemental and ignorant about the things they profess to judge people on.
12. how I feel as though I finally have the chance at true happiness and a close family and the one person who said that's all they wanted for me and would always be there for me, has once again pulled away the love the is supposed to be unconditional.
13. how some things never change.
14. how my father needs to find a way to think of himself for once too so that he can heal.
15. why my happy heart is once again hurting.
16. how I'm fighting the feeling of retreating to my bed under my covers and not coming out until the kids return tomorrow.
17.the anger I feel that I'm letting someone else make me feel bad for the decisions I'm making .
18. the numbness I feel.
19. the familiar pressure in my chest I feel.
20. the way my whole body feels toxic from the negativity.

Until I can/will/dare ...
I'll sit here and hope the numbness will cover the pressure, sadness and anger and hope that not much is asked of me tonight