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There has been a lot of emotional pain lately too. Perhaps the most hurtful is that tomorrow night when A picks up the kids for the weekend, it will be the beginning of Kevin moving out (not that he's taking anything other than maybe his xbox) and moving in with his dad. He brought it up a couple of weeks ago, but it was during what I thought was just a temper tantrum of his so I didn't think too deeply about it after he told me he didn't mean it and dropped it(I thought). Yesterday A picked them up to take them to the mall for a little bit Kev ended up coming back before Riss and stormed into his room mad. He wouldn't talk for a while and I could tell he was both angry and sad.
(I've been praying a lot, listening to a lot of Christian music, coloring, reading two books, trying to rest as much as possible because I feel completley drained. )
When I got him to talk to me, he said he didn't want to make me mad or sad but he really wanted to live with daddy. This is all so very hard and I think one of the hardest parts of being a mom (I'm learning) is doing what is best for your chld even when it breaks your own heart.
I know, for too many reasons to list right now, that my boy needs his daddy. He needs his mom and loves me too (this is where the guilt comes in - divorce makes the kids choose between their parents that they need...like choosing between air and water...)
Christmas was real hard. I guess there is just something about this time of year that makes us all sentimental anyway, but it was the time I most mourned my past 13 Christmases spent as a married couple raising young children. Everything was different and lots of it was different good (great even) but it was definitely different-hurtful and different-sad.
G is awesome to me in every way- always 100% on my side. I don't want to screw this up. I must get through and out of this funk.
It scares me that he's so good to me and yet I'm feeling that lack of happiness, empty feeling that I recognize.
i know you are feeling bad in all ways... but Fredo has given you some very sound advice. First you have to get better physically. Many physical ills are based a lot on stress. Try to relax and think positively that, of course, your son will see how good he has it with you. Yes, he does need influence from his dad, but in the end... he'll be back. Take care of yourself.