Mary Flemming

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Mary Flemming
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Spirit Of The Wolf

Parenting & Family > Angry and Hurt
 

Angry and Hurt

I have not talked about my soldier son in a long time. And there are reasons for that. I am so angry and hurt. Sometimes I don't know who he is anymore. Was it Iraq that changed him? That turned him into someone I don't recognize? I no longer answer the phone when he calls. I am tired of all the lies. He can't even keep his lies straight anymore. I am so tired of people walking all over me that I am stopping it now. Even if its my son. And hubby feels the same way, he is also very hurt. Our son does not accept responsibilty for anything. He blames everyone else. Or makes up elaborate stories to cover his issues.
My daughter tried to set him straight last night but he hung up on her. She is the one person I can always count on to stick up for me. While our son was here on leave he got a new cell phone and then added his sister to his plan. They can each access their account online to pay their share of the bill. And daughter has been doing that. But our son has not. Her phone has been acting up and when she went to the store they told her they could not do anything because of the past due balance on the account. Our son doesn't care. It doesn't affect him so he just doesn't care.
My husband and I are done catering to him. We have been hurt too much. He will be getting out of the army in the next few months and returning here. We have tried to talk to him about getting some counseling, he doesn't want to hear it. There is nothing more I can do, I can no longer be his enabler. He will have to live with his decisions and face up to his responsibilities. I am tired of people I love hurting me and thinking its ok. That I will always be there. I can only do what is best for me, hubby, kota and my daughter. My daughter is a beautiful person, inside and out. I am so proud of her and how she is facing life. I am proud to be a part of her life. And one day I hope to be proud of my son again. Sometimes tough love is the answer.

posted on Mar 27, 2008 7:52 AM ()

Comments:

I, too, hope he will choose to get some counseling. But you are right not to enable him, as hard as that is. I'll be praying for you all.
(((HUGS)))
comment by marta on Mar 29, 2008 9:25 AM ()
Oh, Mary...I'm so sorry. You give so much and ask for so little in return. I sincerely hope that things look up for you soon...and for ALL of your family.
comment by janetk on Mar 28, 2008 6:59 AM ()
It wouldn't surprise me at all that being in Iraq affected him deeply. I hope he does listen to you folks and get the help he needs.
comment by hopefields on Mar 28, 2008 2:08 AM ()
So sorry to hear about this...I suggest also, that he visit the VA when he gets back...I'm sure his experience needs to be understood and there's a lot of veterans that can help him with this...such a young mind thrown into who knows what kind of experience...best of luck
comment by strider333 on Mar 27, 2008 3:24 PM ()
That is so sad. If it makes you feel better. My brother changed a lot after his two tours over in Iraq so I can understand what you are going through. Fortunately for us, he is more interested in staying in touch with the family rather than less.
AJ
comment by lunarhunk on Mar 27, 2008 1:42 PM ()
I know that it hurts, Mary, but you were right in saying that you couldn't enable him anymore--that is exactly what we do--enable those with problems to continue on. We have to step back sometimes and allow them to see for themselves what they are doing. Perhaps then, he will seek the help that he needs, but it must be his choice for it to be effective. I am so sorry that you have this pain.
comment by angiedw on Mar 27, 2008 1:20 PM ()
Sorry Mary! You are so very right, tough love hurts!
comment by greeneyedgemini on Mar 27, 2008 12:56 PM ()
War changes people. My nephew turned 18 and joined the Canadian army. He's in boot camp right now and I'm so afraid he will be sent off to join the war. Peace Keeping! Ya, right...pull the other one. He's my sister's only child.
comment by nittineedles on Mar 27, 2008 12:39 PM ()
whoa,did not even think of this.Sorry,that your going through
this.Yes,they do change when home from war.
He should check out the VA in that area to help him.
That is what they are doing now to help them.
Not sure if you want to do this.
But do pay a visit to the VA hospital and get some information.
They are there also to help parents.Good luck.
comment by fredo on Mar 27, 2008 10:49 AM ()
I'm so sorry, Mary. You should have told me you were going through this. You know you are in my prayers
comment by teacherwoman on Mar 27, 2008 10:09 AM ()
Sorry, Hun. Bad things always happen to good people.
comment by jondude on Mar 27, 2008 9:58 AM ()
Sorry you are going through this Mary.
comment by kristilyn3 on Mar 27, 2008 8:20 AM ()
I really hope that one day soon, he will wake up before it is too late. Decisions can make you or break you, and if he doesn't make the right ones soon, it's going to break everyone...from himself and the ones that love and care for him! Good luck chick!
comment by blogmom on Mar 27, 2008 8:02 AM ()

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