Bobby had a scan yesterday and a pulmonary embolism was
detected. His body is trying hard to depart this world,
just as my father's did before he finally passed away.
It is taking a few days to get the medicine that will
hopefully dissolve the clot.

I am beyond sad and in a territory of grief that I have
never explored before. It is devastating.

I find myself remembering his babyhood and his time as a
toddler. We had a Siamese that was as loyal to him and
as protective as any dog could have been. She slept in
his crib, in his play pen and after he was walking followed him everywhere.

I remember a time after he was out of college and I had
endured a nasty divorce. He went out and bought me a
Doberman, moved in with me for three months and gave me
the emotional support that I needed.

Grief is selfish. He told us that every day was a gift
after the latest round of bad news. He has a DNR in
place. He has taken all kinds of measures to ensure that
Ellie and the kids are protected and taken care of.

Why am I feeling that this is something I cannot endure?