NUMBER 10
Life is sexually transmitted.
NUMBER 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
NUMBER 8
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
NUMBER 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
NUMBER 6
Some people are like a Slinky - not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
NUMBER 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospitals, dying of nothing.
NUMBER 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
NUMBER 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $800.00, and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?
NUMBER 2
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT
Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers--what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

Happy New Year!