I don't know, I feel like maybe I've written this before.....maybe it's just that I've thought about it a lot and talked about it more than I should have that makes it feel that way. If I have, oh well....I'm sure this perspective will be slightly different because I'm writing it now rather than then.

Lists are a peculiar thing in my little world. I'm sure I've been on many a person's "Shit list", probably with due cause. If I have, I'm not really aware of it......or I just don't really care. If someone has a shit list, then they are spending far too much time on negative things, and in my opinion, it is THEIR list anyway, not mine, so why would it matter? It is much like carrying a grudge against someone (or like not being willing to forgive someone something).....the person burdened by carrying a grudge is the one who's doing the carrying. The other person is most likely going along their merry way, oblivious to the fact that someone else is spending their time stewing over something that is already said and done. So if you're a grudge carrier, carry on. It is not going to impact me in the least.

Now, when it comes to physical lists....those kinds you write on a piece of paper, or type on your computer, they are there to help us remember the things we want to get done, lest we forget something important. But are lists really necessary? For me, some days, yes! On those days, they are vital, because I am allowing my mind to go too many directions at once, and am not taking the time to commit to memory the important things I want or need to accomplish.

There's a funny thing about most of my lists......as I am writing things down, I typically put them in one of two orders; either they are listed in order of what feels like it is most important at the time I'm writing or it is written in a logical completion order. For example: if my list includes errands I need to do, they will be written in such an order as to minimize travel and time so as to accomplish things expediently. The funny thing I mentioned is on the lists written in order of importance. I don't know why, but it seems that, without fail, the "important stuff" at the top, just doesn't usually seem to get accomplished. It's been a standing joke with people who have known me for awhile, that if they are on my list for some reason, they say "Please don't put me at the top of the list, because that means you won't get it done!" I don't know why that is. Maybe it is because the important stuff usually involves more time, commitment, work, etc. So I check off the "easy" stuff first. By the end of the day, I haven't had time to get to those big things that are going to be more time consuming. So they go on the list for tomorrow.

So why do I complete the "easy stuff" first? I think it is that sense of accomplishment. I can look at my list at the end of the day and say to myself "Look at ALL those things I got crossed off my list today!! Way to go, Me!" It would probably behoove me to change my attitude to one that wants to hear myself say "Look at all those IMPORTANT things I got done today! It may have only been a few things but they were important...they were a BIG DEAL. And I got them done! Way to go, Me!"

The other funny thing about my lists, particularly my personal lists (non-work related items), is one little thing that I tend to do VERY VERY OFTEN. I will sit down and write my list. As I set about to get things done, I invariably find that I do things that are NOT on my list. So I will stop what I'm doing, get my list, write down the thing I just did, and then immediately cross it off. No need for it to even be written down, since it's already done, but I write it on there anyway. I actually laugh at myself, sometimes literally laugh out loud, as I do this, because I know how ridiculously silly it is for me to do. And I know, without a doubt, it all goes back to that feeling of accomplishment. How could I possibly sit down at the end of the day, review my list and find that I only crossed off 10 things, when I KNOW I was so busy all day and got WAY more done than that? I want to SEE it......IN WRITING! Maybe my days as an EMT impacted me more than I know.....because in the world of an EMT, they live by the saying "If you didn't write it down, you didn't do it!" I think that's it with my lists. If I didn't write it down, then somehow, I really didn't do it. Hmmm....that's interesting. I didn't put "Wash the dishes" on my list, so I didn't cross it off, so that means I didn't really wash the dishes.....and yet, that stack of dishes is not on my counter anymore....hmmmm....where did they go? Did I just put them back in the cupboard dirty? (If I did, then why didn't I write that on my list and cross it off?) Or wait....maybe it was the Dish Washing Fairy who swooped in when I wasn't looking, washed the dishes, dried them and put them away. That must be it. Because I didn't write it down, so obviously it wasn't me who did it!

I used to be quite a list maker. One time, several years ago, when I was thinking of all these things I've written about here, I decided that maybe I was just a little too obsessed with my lists. So I made a conscious decision to try to cut back on this obsession. I've done a pretty good job of it too! Now, I only write myself a list periodically. And I don't let myself add things to it that I've already done. I have worked hard to just allow myself to feel my accomplishments, without having to "have it in writing."

Oh, and if anyone has seen the Dish Washing Fairy....would you send them this way please. I have dishes that need to be done!