There is a show on HGTV called "Spouse vs House" that I found to be a window into how some men think. The premise is that a couple is given $25,000 to renovate some rooms in their house, but it is left entirely to the man - the wife (and kids) have to leave for three weeks and have no contact at all ('like a trial divorce' as one of the mothers-in-law put it) while the husband proceeds on his own, guessing at colors and furnishings.

It turns out that the men tended to think of how they would like things to be, for example a playroom devoted to a DJ setup with $4000 in electrical work to install speakers in the walls and ceiling, rather than in terms of the entire family: get rid of the kids' toys, and forget about furniture so the wife would have a place for her computer where she pays the bills or might sit and watch TV. He got a couple of his graffiti artist buddies to paint a giant mural of one wall 'with lots going on for the kids to stare at.' He also wanted to install a urinal in 'her' bathroom, a small one where she kept her makeup. Fortunately, a neighbor talked him out of the urinal because the plumbing would be almost impossible to work out, and guys would miss and pee all over his floor, so he put in a bathtub instead (turns out she wanted an improved shower because she never takes baths).

Meanwhile, in a parallel universe, the wife and a decorator are setting up a mock-up of one of the rooms the husband is working on the way she would like it to be. The decorator is helping her find her own sense of style and she's blossoming. She would put an entertainment wall, a big sofa the family can all lounge on to watch TV, a desk for herself, a photo collage of family photos, and a sound-proofed closet for his DJ equipment and records.

In the process of discovering herself, it turns out she has always felt like the person in the corner whom everyone ignores and she never got to do anything in the house the way she wanted it because he would just get his way anyhow. There is more going on than paint colors, this is getting into couples therapy needed.

At the last minute, after the husband has spent all the budget on what he wanted to do, he gets to visit the mock-up and see what the wife had in mind. Well, he's just overcome by remorse, but being him, he expresses this by getting angry and pointing out that she has stuck his DJ stuff (that he had planned to be taking over the whole room) into a closet; you can tell his feelings are truly hurt. In his drive to improve his hobby experience he hadn't even considered furniture for the room: "she can go sit in the kitchen if she doesn't like it."

But what impressed me the most was the realization that most of the time women decorate a house to suit themselves, and the general attitude is 'if he doesn't like it he can go sit in the garage.' We are so used to seeing the men leave while the women make all the decorating decisions, we forget about how it must feel to be the guy.

Not that Mr. Troutbend wants to have to make decorating decisions, and he would probably say he doesn't care if there is a bedspread or not, and it doesn't matter to him if it matches the drapes. Our house is by no means a decorator delight - it's all stuff that was on sale, bought at thrift stores, or at auctions and if it does coordinate, it's only by chance.

Because we tend to be content with what comes with our house, 'his' bathroom has orange/yellow sponge painted walls. I would like to paint over them, but he says he likes them, so we'll leave them as is. Mind you, I have to wonder how much of his enjoyment of the color scheme is just because he is too lazy to re-paint that bathroom.

So we sail merrily on, but next time there is a decorating opportunity, I'll be sure to ask What would Mr. Troutbend do? (WWMTBD)